Well, when I say I’m nearly through Day 2, it’s only 6pm here, so I’m in the middle of the witching hour, but I don’t want to write my post too late as I think it might annoy my husband if I get immersed in computer stuff every evening.
I’ve been overwhelmed by all the lovely comments and support from people out there. I can’t believe it! I’d been worried that my blog was a bit primitive – I don’t know how to make it look pretty or personal; perhaps I’ll work that out, but for now I’m just writing and recording my thoughts over these next days and – I hope – weeks.
When I last tried to give up drinking, I read blogs every day, listened to Bubble Hour podcasts, tried to focus on positive sober vibes. One of the bloggers did suggest that I start my own blog – but at that time, I simply couldn’t imagine doing that. I’m not sure why; I just didn’t feel confident enough or something. This time round – and there have been lots of mini sobriety attempts in between – I am hoping that writing this will help me stick to it. What I find hard about trying to give up drinking is sustaining enthusiasm for it. After 60 days last time, I succumbed to the feeling of being fed up with the plan, bored with all the control. I need to tackle that better this time, be ready for it.
I need to remember what I’m like when I relax into drinking. You should have seen me on Saturday. I had planned to be incredibly sophisticated, sip one or two glasses while I gave everyone dinner. Real version turned out to be me quaffing wine like it was the last liquid on earth, and trying to force one of my guests to tell us all about the fact that he’d been married before, even when he said he didn’t want to talk about it. Not direct and engaging of me, just rude.
Last week, I did 4 days sober, so I’m still feeling relatively relaxed about it. But I know that as I approach the weekend, I’m going to start to worry about it. It’s my birthday this weekend, and I can’t remember when I last had a birthday without a drink, so that is going to be a big challenge. A kind friend of mine is hosting a lunch party for me, and when I told her I’d given up boozing she said, ‘Perhaps you’ll have relented by then’. It’s going to be difficult picking my way through a champagne party just for me. Aaaaaarrrrggghh.
This afternoon, I was hit by a wave of panic about starting this blog and encouraging people to read my story. I now feel as though I can’t turn back – which is the point of it, partly, I know, but it terrifies me. Before, I knew that I could start drinking again whenever I wanted, but now it feels different, as though everyone would be really disappointed in me if I failed.
Plan for tonight? Supper all together, then I think a bath so as to avoid the wine with TV scenario, always so tempting to me, especially when I start to get depressed about the thought of not drinking. Wine is still calling to me, you see. I’d better get some ideas of sober treats lined up. I didn’t use that tool at all last time, and I think it might help.
A Dappled Path 
Well done, you. You’re doing this. You’re really doing it. I hope you’re feeling good about it. One of my favourite treats is a lovely long soak in a bubble bath, then put on a pair of lovely comfy pjs (even better if they’re new) and just cuddle up and read for a bit. I also love chocolate treats, nice chocolates in a box (but now I’ve got to ween myself of those as well 😦 In the beginning I bought loads and loads of magazines. I experimented with lots of different types of tea and chocolate, have I mentioned chocolate? I agree birthday parties and lunches are hard but there is a nice range of fizzy celebratory type soft drinks. Buy one that looks like wine in the glass and nobody else needs to know. Can’t wait to find hear your progress tomorrow. I’m just about to bath the children. Might even have one myself and then watching Coronation Street with a cup of tea and slice of chocolate cake. x
Oooh meant to say: Sanctuary Spa do a lovely range of sleep-inducing bath products. I use a Calming luxury bath float and a smoothing silk scrub called Sleep. Really is relaxing!
Thanks for all these ideas. I need them! In the past, I’ve bought some quite nice AF sparkling wine which looks like champagne, so I might take a bottle of that to the party. Annie x
Hi Annie, well done on day 2, and I’d totally agree with onedayatatime on the treats, esp sanctuary spa! Re the birthday lunch thing, is it possible to try to talk to your friend again? She obviously cares about you a lot as she wants to throw this party for you, but the comment about you possibly relenting would indicate that she doesn’t “get” it yet about the drinking. I know how hard it is to talk to people about it – I have not been great about this myself! – but I wonder that if you just let her know that it was important to you to not drink at this party, and that you would appreciate her support, then it might be a bit easier? Less likely to get the “oh, go on, just have one, it’s your birthday” type of comments? Failing that, turn up with a bottle of something lovely and AF that is already chilled, so you’ve got something you can ask for as soon as drinks are offered. Also, have an “out” if you need one – an excuse ready if you just need to leave. You can have a super lovely birthday without booze, but it will be different, and parties when everyone else is drinking can be tough early on. Hugs. xx
You are right that I need to be honest with my friend. Perhaps my hesitancy there is because I don’t want people to hold me to my sobriety promise? When I spoke to her earlier, I could hear myself sounding very serious about it all, and I then backed off and started to joke about it. I think I need to examine why I can’t admit to the problem; but that’s hard. Annie x
Good job on day 2:) your routine tonight sounds lovely- and yes, think of those sober treats. Washing my sheets is a big one for me, they just smell and feel so nice after being washed:) the birthday party is tricky. I would normally say don’t go or leave early- but it’s been planned. Maybe a firm excuse that will leave people alone (you can’t, you are on an antibiotic; you’ve been having strange reactions to booze so you’re taking some time off…). Good luck and happy early birthday. What a nice thing to give yourself for your birthday:) a sober life:) xo
Thank you so much for your advice, and for birthday wishes! Not sure why I embarked on this ‘project’ a few days before my birthday, but I guess there’s never a good time. Annie x
Hi Annie – congrats on Day2…I am there as well. I will continue to read your posts – you can do this!!! Stay strong.
That’s great! Let’s move along together if we can. Annie x
Hi Annie, I also tried moderating after 60-ish days. Big fail. Well, I’m back, on day 13.
Good luck! Day 13 sounds good. Let’s keep going. Annie x
sober treats are essential in my book! eg have signed up for the Graze breakfast boxes – same price as one bottle of cheap plonk per week and gives me a little treaty glow to start the day…graze.com
good luck on your challenge! and the best birthday present you could give yourself is a sober you, yes?
Thanks so much for this comment. I am going to try those Graze boxes! Annie x
Hi Annie! Thanks for your comment on my blog. I’m ok – having some non drinking issues that mean I can’t type much. More when I’m healed. But so happy to see you blogging. Yay you! It will really help keep you aware and accountable. Keep going. Lilly xx
Ack, I meant issues not drinking related issues 😉
Typing on this iPad sucks. I am not drunk I swear to god 🙂
Good to hear from you. Hope you’re alright. I’ll keep checking your blog. Annie x
Annie, I am so proud of you! And gosh you are a really good writer. I knew this already from our emails but it come across in your blog as well. You have a way of really expressing yourself. I think I am still too guarded in my blog. There are so many emotions that go along with this decision to go alcohol free and I know I still have a lot of work to do on being totally honest with myself. I think having the blog for you is really going to make the difference for you (and also help many others you reach) because you are very good at putting the feelings in words.
Thank you so much! That’s very reassuring as I’ve actually been worrying about my writing. It’s really hard to get one’s feelings across. I read and reread my posts before publishing them, but in the end I just hope they are as authentic as possible. Thanks for reading them, lovely friend. Annie x
We are remarkably similar. I’m here on day 2 and have been doing quite well over the past six weeks or so, only drinking one or two nights a week (much less than before) but really committed to it this time. It is tough. Parts of the day, I find my mind wandering back to where I will be stopping off to buy my wine for the evening, do I have any kids’ activities that will get in my way of drinking, etc.
But my kids are driving the bus on this one as well as myself. They know well of my struggles and last night we took markers onto my mirror and wrote out why they want me to stay away from the booze. I woke up to it this morning as a reminder. Not a huge thing, but its a gentle (or perhaps not so gentle reminder) that this is for the best. Not to look at it as a loss, but as a gain, for a happier family and fewer secrets, less frustration, and perhaps a household that really clicks in the absence of my nightly glasses of wine.
Thanks for sharing and given the relatively same distance we are in our journey, I will continue to follow. Thanks for being out there and sharing!
Mary
Hi Mary. Thanks so much for reading my blog and for commenting. It really helps me to know that people are out there. Your kids writing on the mirror…what a good idea. I might get mine to do the same. Annie x