Day 5: too many rules

I’m always setting myself rules: only drink one glass of every different drink offered; don’t drink during the week; only drink during the week; drink a glass of water in between each glass of wine; never initiate drinking. You know the sort of thing. And I don’t think I have EVER been successful in maintaining these rules. In my attempt to moderate recently, I would pound the park with the dog and come up with the most absurd ideas in order to keep drinking – anything to avoid stopping altogether.

This did not work. By 7pm every night, I’d be tucking into the gin & tonics, opening the wine, guzzling whatever I could find. And long after supper was over and my husband and I had chatted over that sociable bottle or two, I would stay up and search for more. Then I’d hide the empty bottles. And when I thought about this later, I couldn’t rationalise it, but I’d do it anyway.

For the last few evenings, I’ve changed the routine. Once the kids are back from school, and while I get supper ready, I check my blog and read others’ blogs, thereby avoiding that sip sip sip. We all eat together – this is a new venture as I used to feed the kids first so I could drink more with my husband – and they are pleased to see I’m not drinking. Then I wash up straightaway and once I’ve put the kids to bed I pretty much go to bed myself. Clearly this is not exciting stuff, but it’s what I need to do at the moment to stop myself thinking too much about what I’m doing. Because otherwise I’m going to start making those rules again.

At least 20 times today, I have considered writing a post to say goodbye, to give up my blog because I’m so frightened that I won’t be able to sustain it and that I’ll let you all down. But for the moment, I will keep writing and please forgive me if I sound muddled.

5 thoughts on “Day 5: too many rules”

  1. Yep yep yep – did all of that too Annie while drinking and then the same tweaks to my schedule when I stopped. The only one who wants you to say goodbye is wolfie cos then he gets you all to himself šŸ˜‰ Keep going – it does get easier and you are doing a really good job of not drinking and blogging šŸ™‚ xx

  2. don’t say goodbye and don’t make rules! if you’re like me, then a rule is always just daring you to break it! I’m also trying to adjust to being so “present” with my kids and husband at night. I’m conditioned to be in a fog of my own. it definitely takes getting used to, and I’m still not comfortable with it if I’m being honest. but that’s NO reason to undo all of my progress (17 days… yay!). just get thru today without a drink. we’re here pulling for you!

  3. Hi Annie, I hope you find the strength needed to stay on your path. Sending cyber hugs your way. No matter what don’t say goodbye. There is no judgment when battling this beast.

  4. That routine is so familiar. Plus, how crap you feel the next day when you have to face those empty bottles you’ve hidden and get rid of them properly. Giving up gives you so much more freedom and time to enjoy other things and stop fretting about what you did/said/texted the night before.

  5. I did all those rules too…Its exhausting. Please don’t give up…I’ve made it to 10 days, the longest since pregnancy (nearly 10 years ago!) I told my husband this week that I can never drink again, I have always avoided doing that incase I want to drink the next day or the weekend. Stupid. Today was tough and tiring, but I’ve made it through…Please keep going it will so worth it, I just know it will.

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