It is clear that I am panicking. About an hour ago, I texted the friend who is hosting this birthday lunch for me tomorrow and said that I would be having a glass of wine after all. Her response was that she didn’t want to be responsible for my falling off the wagon, but that there was wine in the fridge.
Then I went out for a walk with the dog. I tried to listen to the end of a Bubble Hour podcast about how you feel in early sobriety – those people are so wonderful. But I couldn’t concentrate and my mind kept wandering; I kept checking my emails as I walked along and I didn’t know where I was going.
I keep having visions of how this celebratory weekend will be with or without drink. I would like to have dinner tomorrow with my husband and have some wine; I would like to celebrate my birthday with some fizz. I don’t want to be saying no all the time.
I feel completely overwhelmed writing about my experiences at the moment. BUT, at the same time, I am blown away by the community out there, and by how caring everybody is.
I am still on Day 5 and I still haven’t had a drink.