Now, and then

Here I am on Day 16, so just over half way through my 30 day challenge. I want to go further than 30 days, much further, but I need to keep my eye on that goal for now. In the spirit of being more positive, I have tried not to look too far ahead, but today I had waves of thoughts about future holidays, and celebrations, and the old anxieties about not drinking came creeping back. So, to counter this, I decided that I’d imagine what I would normally be doing at 8pm on a Monday evening, normally in the sense of my old life, the one in which I was drinking. I would have probably already broken my promise to self about no alcohol Monday-Thursday, and would have made sure there was some wine left from the weekend. Earlier in the day, I would have panicked about there being only half a bottle left, and would have bought some more – for Friday, to look forward to. That bottle would have been opened, and I’d have persuaded my husband to share it with me. He would have gone to bed, and I’d have stayed up watching old reruns of Sex and the City until the small hours, having raided the cupboard for the remnants of the Tia Maria.

And this evening? The new life? We’ve had supper, together with the kids (I used to feed them early so that we could drink aperitifs while they ate) and we all drank water. Everyone chatted. They’ve gone up to get ready for bed while I write this, and in a minute I will go and settle them. Then we are planning to make some tea and watch a bit of a film.

Spot the difference?

On another note, I hope I am not boring you by writing so often. It was always part of my challenge to write a blog post every day for 30 days; if I get that far, I will probably not write so much, but I don’t want you to think I’ve disappeared.