On the train

This is not a metaphor: I really am on the train! I’m sorry if people were worried about me, as I know I’m posting later than usual. I didn’t have time to write earlier today and am now on my way back from a rehearsal. Thank you for all your comments; they really help me to think through what I’m doing. Trying to stop drinking for longer than 30 days seems to be a popular choice; if I can get to 60 days again, as I did a few months back, perhaps I’ll have a better perspective, as it still feels quite raw and new. I need to get a grip on these mid-afternoon lows, for a start. I’ve been getting better at taking them by the shoulders, shaking them, and making myself an AF alternative, or just making myself do something else. Sometimes I literally have to force myself to turn away from my thoughts, to walk away from them and go and sit in another part of the house, or take the dog for a walk.

It is not easy, but slowly slowly slowly I think I’m getting a bit better at it. Nearly the end of Day 26 and heading towards another weekend with all its tricky corners.

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9 thoughts on “On the train”

  1. Yay, Yay, Yay!!!!! πŸ‘πŸ‘ And yes, was worried about you. Thoughts were with you all day. Just returned from a walk and need to call my daughter but had to check the blog first praying there would be something from you either way. Don’t you feel great?!?! Quickly want to share my afternoon with you. Met 3 good friends for lunch, something we do every month. Was a couple minutes late and there sat a glass of white wine waiting for me 😞. (Haven’t shared with anyone my sober journey, 21 days.) Told them I had a dentist appointment following lunch so didn’t want to drink the wine. “Oh just one will be ok”, they said. Really, really thought about it! Brought the glass to my lips and said “NO” to myself. They thought I drank some and left it at that. Was very proud of myself! Thinking of you Annie and what you were going through yesterday and my response back to you helped A LOT. One step at a time! How about a 60 day blog? πŸ˜„ πŸ’—

  2. I know how you feel. Yesterday (day 11) I wanted a drink while preparing dinner. It was such a powerful craving. I was having an internal war with myself. It’s exhausting and a bit depressing…..

    1. Many people stop cooking for a bit. If it’s triggering it might be worth mixing up the routine, even if it means eating out or cooking at a different time.
      Having an alcohol free alternative that you like also helps.

  3. Happy to see you out here. I’m over a month now and I still feel big changes in me every day. But I am not really in the position to start drinking again without ruining my life, so that makes the decision easy.

    When it comes to mid afternoon dips. Was it here that I saw the PAWS suggestion pass by? It is on low bloodsugar levels, if they drop, people tend to crave drinking because alcohol gives this immediate boost. I have noticed that I get cravings during the times that I did not pay attention to my sugar levels. (whole grains only, no refined sugar, no fruitjuices, eat every 2 hours) Saying that, I really do pay attention to what I eat and, well. I just can’t afford to fall back so I use everything I’ve got, going all Little House and Martha Stewart. :-/

  4. Glad to hear you are feeling better today. One suggestion, if you continue to feel really down, is to talk with your doctor. There might be some medication that could help you through the rough stuff.

  5. Hi, I wish you so much luck! I just briefly read through some of your posts, and it’s oh so familiar. All of the doubt and bargaining and everything.

    BTW in the past (just this past month or two ago) I have made it to day 38, and I was starting to feel really, really good… I had done 30-ish days a couple times before, but it was only until I got a bit further than 30 days that things seemed a little more brighter (I had to really fight past the “it’s been a month, so you can have a drink now” mentality…but once I got past it, it was much better)

    Of course it doesn’t all get super sunshine happy all the time, and I hope you have things in place to help you deal with the really low times. But, overall, I feel like I had turned a small corner and things were getting better and that I could be happy for real…

    Then I was stupid, and decided to “try drinking” just a little bit. Just once. HA!

    Anyway, that little experiment “Oh I can just drink once maybe” has turned into a full blow thing again…which I am now trying to get out of. But anyway, I’m just trying to say that to keep going after 30 days is a really, really good idea!! Very much worth it. Good luck to you!! πŸ™‚

  6. Annie, I hope this comes across in a nice way as intended, ….those ‘thoughts’ are trying to tell you something. there is something you are hiding from and using alcohol to ‘mask’ it. you need to find out what is troubling you and then you can deal with it emotionally in a confronting way rather than using alcohol as a numbing tool…xxxx

  7. Hi Annie, glad you’re still here πŸ™‚ Like feeling, I was going to suggest that PAWS article (it was posted by thesobergardern). Might be worth trying to fit in a bit of time *before* the low period hits and have a substantial snack, some wholemeal toast, something that will keep you going. I felt pretty crappy to start with, so I think the 60 day aim is great, you will almost certainly find your feelings changing around this time. Are you reading any books? I found Veronica Valli’s Why You Drink and How to Stop good, and also Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance, which I found harder going (not hard to read, just needed to think about it a lot!) but very useful. Learning to change my negative thought patterns has been the most valuable lesson of all for me on this journey… but easier said than done, and takes time. Remember that you are worth all this effort. Take care of you. Hugs. xxx

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