Again, a post early in the day, as I wanted to tell you about the dinner party last night. I had been worrying about it, as I thought my not drinking would be greeted with disappointment by the hosts. As I got ready for the party, I found myself playing the I think I’ll start drinking again game with myself, and with my husband. ‘Are you driving tonight?’ I asked him. ‘I thought you were driving,’ was his reply. ‘But what if I’d like to have a drink?’ ‘Is this dinner party the moment when you want to start drinking?’ he said. And so on. But as I was saying these things, I knew that the dinner party was not the moment in which I wanted to start drinking, indeed I began to think, a teeny tiny thought in the back of my mind, that I really didn’t want to drink. Didn’t want to!
Earlier this year, when I was doing my 60 day sober stretch, More to Me Than This suggested that I make an effort to look nice going to a party, and last night I found this really helped. I focused on what I was wearing, and tried not to think about the amount of fizzy water I’d be drinking. We arrived late to find the other guests on their second glass of fizz (not water) and I had some ginger beer which I’d brought with me. Ate about 1000 olives in a nervous fashion (drinking used to take up that olive eating time), then had a very nice dinner and tried hard to chat and be funny while everyone drank lots of red wine and seemed chattier and funnier than me. My husband was able to drink because I was driving and I realised that in our 17 years of marriage, I could count on one hand the times I’ve driven to a party; he had always been the driver. He seemed more relaxed and vocal than usual, though he later said that he’s always like that at parties (he’s not!).
So, it was fine. I was glad not to be drinking, particularly as I noticed that my host – a lovely lady – tucked into the white wine as though it was the last liquid on earth. It seemed pointless, but I know that’s what I would have done too, if I’d been drinking. And it struck me how much I probably drank at these events: much too much. But I also have to say that I felt a bit separate from the party, and as though I couldn’t quite relax and enjoy myself. I think the other people were disappointed that I didn’t seem to be my usual self, and I’m worried about that.
Back at home, I’m afraid to report that my husband breathed alcohol fumes on me and I could barely sleep. Yuck!
A Dappled Path 
👏 well done! I can relate, 5 days into my not drinking we had to go to dinner with my husbands family– professional drinkers. It was kind of nice to watch my sister in law get bombed and act like an ass…reinforced my decision to not drink. The days leading up to these events are very anxiety producing because the “maybe I will have just ONE” tape starts playing in your head.
Thanks for giving me strength ! Still waiting for the sun to rise here in NY @ 6 am
I was at a party with my husbands friends, all but 2 of them drank very very heavily. I was astonished at how much they could put away. All held it well, except one woman who broke down in a maudlin tirade over something, at the dinner table, started crying. Very embarrassing, certainly due to alcohol. It’s amazing what you notice when you don’t drink yourself. Nobody cared that I didn’t drink, people are into their own stuff, they are not too concerned about what you are doing. Good job this weekend, you came through it with such insight and strength, you should be very proud of yourself.
Way to go, Annie! Day 13 for me! Each day of sobriety brings that much more momentum of staying sober! You are an inspiration to so many of us! Happy to hear you are keeping Wolfie’s voice at bay and not succumbing to his demands! It is a cold day here in Georgia USA! Curled up by a roasting fire with coffee in hand. Enjoy sober Sunday!
Great stuff Annie – it will get easier 🙂
I’m glad you listened to your inner voice.
It’s important to try not to put thoughts into others heads. It’s hard now. You are self conscious and analyzing everything. But really, most people hear you say not drinking, think on it for a second, and carry on with their own life.
Would you have really had a lot more fun had you been drinking? Would your husband? Would you remember getting home? How would this morning have felt?
Those are the real take aways. You did great. It will seem strange for a bit. Then it will become the new normal.
It’s not unacceptable to ask your husband to take a break from booze for a bit if it truly bothers you. It sounds like he is a supportive guy.
Enjoy your hangover free sunday👍
Oh, the beer breath! A neighbor came over to ask a favor yesterday, and all I could smell was the beer he’d had. Eww.
I think that when others are drinking, they really aren’t paying attention to how you are behaving, just as when you were drinking, you really weren’t paying attention the them, either. It was all about the alcohol.
Congrats! 🙂
Well done! Yes focusing on great clothes helps me too
Xx
And you did look lovely, too 🙂 Scrub up all right, you do 😉 Seriously, though, well done, you! Glad your weekend went so well. You are really doing this sobriety thing! xx
Great news flash, well done you! Hope you awarded yourself loads of sober treats afterwards? You are using your sober muscles in a new way and that can make you feel a bit sore afterwards, at first. But it absolutely does get easier – promise! Xx
that’s fantastic! you sound so much stronger and comfortable in your sobriety now… great stuff!! watching other people drink and find themselves hilarious is eye opening for me too!