Thank you for all the lovely, supportive comments after my last post. I appreciate them all so much. I think it’s a bit tricky to write when I’m in this current state of flux, but some of you have asked me to update you, so here I am!
Still no alcohol since that Sunday evening drink. My intentions are not to drink in the week, so that side of things is going well, and I feel pretty much as I felt when I was totally abstinent. It is odd not counting the days anymore though, and I don’t have quite the same sense of purpose that I did before. The weekend is beginning to loom, but I don’t yet have the same cravings that I had before, perhaps because I don’t feel the same sort of pressures; but I haven’t hit Friday night yet.
I am so very aware that I don’t want to encourage people to drink. I know everyone has to make up their own minds, but when I was doing my sober stretch, I found myself hanging on some bloggers’ words, particularly those who I sensed might pick up a drink. If they drank, then perhaps I could drink? So I don’t want to influence anyone, or tempt them into drinking, because being clear headed and sober is such a good thing.
I am still reading blogs every day, and commenting where I can, and I still feel very much part of the community. But I guess I also feel a bit of a bad girl 😦
A Dappled Path 
Don’t feel that way. If you had your drink and choose to abstain now that’s great. If you have found a new moderation, that’s great.
If you go off the rails and start drinking more than you think you should and need help, we are here to support you.
This is a personal journey. I am always interested in both how people quit and relapses. Relapses mainly to learn from other so perhaps I won’t have to make the same mistakes, if it turns out it was a mistake. Although forewarned doesn’t always mean I will follow advice, even if it’s is good advice!
I’m glad you are doing well. I don’t count days, although I do know what the date of my last drink was.
Take care of yourself and keep in touch!, you are part of this community! We all are. No matter what.
Anne
Hey Anne
What a nice post. And, if I’m totally honest I’d just say, I think that you should let go of the guilt (if that’s OK to say). You had a glass of wine, you stopped after one, that’s amazing too.
Have a great day and if you drank once in 40 days, or a 100 days isnt that just as awesome. Think of that achievement.
Hugs.
DON’T STOP BLOGGING! I know the feeling of not wanting to influence others with my own drinking but I think I was pretty clear upfront that I didn’t intend to be totally sober and people are certainly free not to read my blog. I really am hoping for a community of support regardless, as I would support other bloggers regardless. It is a tricky tricky path and different for everyone. If after 40 days you were still feeling like you had to be hyper vigilant and constantly questioning what you were and were not doing, i’m sure it was a relief to give up the stress you were putting on yourself. In my own search for the right path I feel like at some point it should get easier and not harder and if the path you choose doesn’t reveal itself to be that way, maybe a different path is in order. I also believe in positive incentives. I want to want not to drink. I want something else, be it health or pampering or other activities to be better and more important than drinking. I really think that’s going to be the best way for me and until I can find that new routine that serves me better, I’m not going to beat myself up. Neither should you.
Hey there Annie, glad you’re doing OK. As Anne says, it’s a personal journey and we all have our own path to follow. xx
So good to hear from you. Please don’t feel guilty, you had a drink, one drink and stopped. I think that is something you should be proud of. And if thats not moderation i dont know what is! I’ve stopped counting days, I never got to double figures, and am just taking it one day at a time. I can only echo what the other folk have said it’s your choice, your decision and you have to do what is right for you. I can’t imagine never drinking again, its not something I want to do, so will keep trying to moderate.
Keep posting, let us know how you get on as Friday approaches x
I would say that having one glass of wine means you are still “sober”, and if you want to drink moderately, maybe that just takes some practice. I wouldn’t characterize what you did as a relapse. A relapse is not being able to stop when you knew you should, so you cleared that hurdle.
I think that everyone is different, perhaps you can drink moderately, and to do that you may have to apply the same energy and focus to that endeavor, as you did to stopping alcohol completely.
It is very valuable to read about your experience, and I am grateful that you are posting your journey. I think that alcohol may not be all or nothing for people who have had difficulty moderating in the past, good luck with it all. There is a toolbox for moderation as well, you just have to know how to use it (not that I have figured that one out!).
Hi Annie! I agree with others, it is a personal journey…yours, and yours alone. And we all learn from each other, which is a good thing. There is no right or wrong here, unless you feel in your heart there is. It’s your path and your life to learn from…a life experiment- every day is. And you are learning everyday, you are introspective and also learning from others. I think you are right on your track, and only you will know if you get off track…..then, you will do your best to get back to what feels right:) love and hugs to you! Xo