While I was doing my 30 day challenge, I wrote a post on my blog every day. I enjoyed it, and I needed it. The support I found here was amazing. Since ‘falling’ at 42 days, I haven’t written so much, and I’ve missed it. Oddly, I haven’t had a drink since then, and on that Sunday I only had one drink – and yet, I stopped counting days, the sky caved in, and I felt I’d failed.
Here we are on Friday night, and the idea of drinking still feels strange to me. When I did 60 days earlier this year, I then went back to drinking straight away. I stuck my head in a bottle and sank. This time, it’s been completely different: I’ve carried on being sober, despite my one drink fall from grace.
My husband always wanted me to try a more moderate approach. Maybe it is the knowledge that moderation isn’t really a possibility for me which is keeping me from opening that bottle. I’m not sure what is going to happen this evening – Friday evening – but I am interested that something in me is stopping me from quaffing.
A Dappled Path 
I think you’re on to something. And BTW you have SO NOT failed! Thanks for sharing your mind with us. Anxious to see how this goes. “In order to succeed, our desire for success must be greater than our fear of failure.” (A quote from Bill Cosby) I know I definitely have a fear of failure, but hoping 42 days is saying I can succeed! Hugs 💗
It’s all a learning experience 🙂 xx
Hello Annie – was wondering how you are doing! Hope you are feeling ok.
first things first in my humble opinion….start talking to your self nicely. change the language you are using. you are a great person doing a great thing who had one small in discretion. you are back on doing great and you love yourself. you are doing this for you and you are fabulous. end of!!! lots of love and hugs.
Lisa
ps read my blog today if you haven’t already….xx
We need a link to your blog!
You haven’t failed at anything. Perhaps this is your heart saying you have already tried moderation and it didn’t work for you. If so, it is probably right.
It sounds like you need to have a honest conversation with your husband. Moderation sounds like a great thing, but once addiction set in, it is a thing of the past. The genie is out of the bottle. Are you needing his support or approval to continue on a non drinking path? I’m sure he will be 100% supportive of whatever you tell him is best for you.
You are learning a lot about yourself!
Anne
Hi Annie, don’t beat yourself up and give yourself a hard time, you are doing so well and your one drink isn’t a fall from grace. I’ve not had a drink tonight for the first Friday in a long time, I just didn’t fancy it, the days I don’t drink are getting easier, I might just make it to double figures! Have a great weekend xx
FAO Lisa – could I have a link to your blog please? X
Lisas blog.
http://Www.thecword-compassion.com
It sounds to me as though you are a little frightened of going back to drinking, but tempted to allow yourself to do so ‘in moderation.’ The temptation is greater in the earlier days of sobriety, I think, and to a certain extent might side-swipe us occasionally from then on – it does in my case, but that feeling on lasts a few minutes and thus far I’ve been able to deal with it successfully. (Day 85.) To be very blunt, giving alcohol completely has been the best thing I’ve ever done, bar none and nothing, but it is a life-changing decision and involves steely self-discipline very occasionally. If you don’t want to sign up to that, then don’t, because you’d be setting yourself up for failure. It took me quite a while to make that commitment to myself – after being worried about my drinking for years. I simply wasn’t ready before but I am whole-heartedly committed now. My Beloved still drinks but only about one third of what he used to knock back, and I have no problem with him carrying on drinking, even if he goes on a bender. The problem was my drinking, and I am addressing it. I am not an evangelist for the tee-total movement, I just recognise that the effect on my life, relationships and work had become entirely negative.
Only you can decide whether you are ready to take that step. I don’t regard having a glass of wine after you fulfilled the original 31 Day Challenge a failure, a blip, a mistake or regrettable. You fulfilled your Challenge and you are now thinking very hard about making a life-changing decision. You sound normal, healthy and sensible to me.
Go easy on yourself – you’re doing amazing things!
I agree with Sara. I feel like you are wobbling between making the “life-changing” decision to never drink again or to moderate. You are doing so well, though! Moderating is not easy. I have tried to have no more than 3 a couple of times, but the wine keeps drawing me back in. Almost better to have nothing at all. You are really still in this. One drink does NOT make you a failure. You are a winner in my book!
I ditto what Paul said…there is no failure, there is only progress (oh Lord now I sound like Yoda).
Seriously thought, everything is progress. You move forward and make decisions and then move forward again. Just trying to make the right decisions is enough to contend with without adding the stima of failure.
Go easy on yourself – you’re worth the effort.
Sherry
You are doing great! I agree. It’s about learning. I am trying to keep the days sober greater than the days drinking. In 5 weeks I have drank twice– a big improvement from drinking AT LEAST 3 nights/week. I forgave myself and am just trying to stay sober one day at a time. thank you for sharing your journey!
Hi Annie, how’s things? X
Definitely missing your posts now.
Me too xx
Annie!!!!! it’s Friday night……missing you
How are you? Where are you? I miss you too.
waving at you too Annie! big hugs from me xx