Don’t give up

I’m about to go to bed, Friday night. These damned Fridays. I had a few drinks. I was worrying about what I was going to write here in the morning, so I decided to write now. It was silly, really. I didn’t need to drink, but I drank anyway. I quite enjoyed it, I didn’t hate it, but I just didn’t need it. As I hadn’t told my husband that I’d given up again, he was totally unaware.

Now my head is heavy, and my soul is weary. But I want to try again tomorrow. I am not going to give up. It may take many attempts, but I think I can do this. Before I had those drinks, I read and reread all the comments people kindly left me today, and I heard all these voices and felt connected to you all.

I need to work on this. This afternoon, I was listening to a Bubble Hour podcast about truth and a contributor was speaking about how many times she had tried and failed, and that eventually she had just KNOWN it was time for her.

I want this to be my time; I need this to be my time.

10 thoughts on “Don’t give up”

  1. So proud of you for getting it out there now, think you need to reach out often. When I’m having a hard time I pick up my phone or iPad to check mail and seems like there is always a blog post to keep me going. Even a check up email from you. Don’t give up!!
    Mary πŸ’—πŸ’—

  2. going round on the Scaletrix track is so exhausting and frustrating. I know you just want it to stop. hope you got a good nights sleep. have a hug from me. Xx

  3. Hey Annie, today is another day. Keep trying, you can do this, you have done it before and will do it again. Another virtual hug, support and lots of love from me x x x

  4. If I could (((hug))) you, I would. The ‘Oh God, what have I done’ the ‘morning after’ feeling, the ‘WHY did I do that?’ was the worst thing about it, and I’d guess you’re putting yourself through some of that.

    What won’t change now is that you’ll never be blithe about drinking again, and that’s a huge difference. Deep-seated problems can’t be solved with instant fixes, and learning how serious the problem is will be part of the solution. It feels horrible at the time, but it is part of the process. At Day 42, next time, you won’t find reaching for the bottle of wine in the supermarket such a simple idea. Is it Belle who says there are 11 stages to having that drink, or is it someone from the Bubble Hour? Either way, the fact is that once we’re conscious of the extent of the damage we’re doing to ourselves, working backwards to the point when we made the first decision that later resulted in the first mouthful is helpful.

    I feel your pain, I really do. If you knew how many times I’d tried not to drink before this time, you’d realise how deeply I feel your pain. I can’t give you the one thing you want – a Day 43 – but I’m cheering you on, just the same.


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