Crawling crawling

Another Day 2. In my attempt to tackle this differently, I’ve got a list of things to help me with these early days (thanks, Belle!), as I keep crashing around this time. Nearly midday here, and usually on a Sunday I’d be pouring a little glass of sherry. Look away now if you don’t want to be triggered. I loved that little glass of sherry! Does that make me sound 106? Anyway, little glass of sherry is not on my list of helpful hints, so it’s fizzy water instead. I’m cooking a big roast lunch for my family, and for my parents, and even the smell of the lamb is a trigger, so when I’ve finished writing here I’m going to make myself another AF alternative which doesn’t remind me of sherry (I’ve written sherry too many times in this post. Ooops, there’s another one).

Last night, my husband nobly drove out at midnight to collect our daughter from a party. A few days ago, I had made a mental note that this would be a good time for me to tuck into the wine while he was gone. With my new if fragile resolve I did the washing up instead. I’m back in the early days of sobriety, so I know it’s not necessarily glamorous at this stage, but wow – doing the washing up on party night, staring at my reflection in the dark kitchen window, jolted me into a small realisation: I need to recreate the idea of glamour in my head, my version of Saturday night glamour at least.

In the last few days, I’ve been reading some posts by people who are struggling at the moment. The kindness and wisdom of comments which follow these posts is incredible, and I am so grateful to be part of this amazing sober blogging world. Thank you to everyone who reads my blog; you all help me in so many ways.

Back to the roast. Back to another Day 2. But no sherry.

10 thoughts on “Crawling crawling”

  1. Well done!! You have homework from Belle? Great idea!! But, oof, I hadn’t thought about sherry until now- I love sherry at Christmas (I must be 106 too 😉 ). But not this year. I must plan an alcohol-free alternative..?! Perhaps an extremely fancy and indulgent hot chocolate? You are right, we still need glamour and indulgence – we just need to re-wire our brains and re-think our habits to make sure that we don’t think of alcohol as being our source of glamour.
    Enjoy the roast dinner 🙂

  2. Good for you! Keep going. Do you have a person you can talk to? A real live human being (sponsor) to help you through. The blog is great but when you are in these nitty gritty thoughts to be able to make that emergency call to a friend to be there could make all the difference. Also, are you being completely honest with your husband that you are indeed an alcoholic? If you do maybe he won’t be so willing to have a drink with you when you get weak. Also, what helped me is just putting it out there to everyone that I am not drinking ever again! You don’t have to tell the gory details just you like yourself better sober, you’re trying to live a healthy lifestyle, trying to lose a few pounds and alcohol is getting in the way. All true statements. Please try to change your mindset that drinking is glamorous. Really? Being buzzed and drunk is not glamorous or grownup.

  3. My last night of drinking was anything but glamorous, and I still have the scar to prove it. I like that scar because it’s going to remind me, hopefully for the rest of my life, that drink and I don’t go well together. (If aversion therapy were that simple, I’d have stopped boozing when I broke my wrist on my birthday two years ago. Booze addiction is powerful stuff.)

    The ‘glamour’ idea is peddled by the multi-billion pound booze industry, not your intelligent analytical brain. Your IAB knows what booze actually does, but we all long for a quick fix to life’s facers, so we’ve taken the easy solution and, having fallen for the booze industry’s lies, pick up a glass containing alcohol and get s*it-faced.

    Why sherry, which is absolutely lethal, was considered to be suitable for maiden aunts, was a mystery to me from the very first time I had one. When I was a child the only time I ever saw it was high days and holidays when extended family were gathered around, and the stick-thin creaky people were presented with it before lunch (ie on an empty stomach) – and promptly got very carried away. You don’t sound 106, but what was all that about?

    You sound tense, Annie. I turn to your blog pretty much first thing every day now to check to see if you’re okay and I want you to succeed so much. May I suggest laughing? Is there anyone whose work is guaranteed to make you laugh? Eddie Izzard, Shaun the Sheep, whatever it takes, if you can make yourself laugh it might be helpful. You Tube is fab, much better than a sherry, for relieving tensions – and it’s free!

    Sara

  4. Toot toot for Day Two! No glamour in sherry; glamour lies in you, in music, in laughing, singing, dancing. Quite a lot to do whilst cooking roast lamb, maybe, but give it a whirl. Singing along to loud music even makes washing up bearable! Bea xxx

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