I wasn’t going to write today. Then I thought, this is silly: I need to write about the fact that I don’t want to write. I’m feeling useless. All afternoon, I have been thinking about stopping the blog and stepping out of the sober blog world. I am feeling completely overwhelmed. Other bloggers are so far ahead of me and I don’t think I’m ever going to get there. I know it’s not a competition, but sometimes I feel as though I’m the only one out here moaning on about how hard it is, and I do wonder if people are getting fed up with my stopping and starting.
So I had those thoughts. And then, I had more bad thoughts. I thought that I want to start drinking again. Not today, because today is Tuesday and I’ve got this deal with my husband that we don’t drink on Tuesdays. But I want to drink on Friday. And I started making a shopping list of things I was going to buy on Friday morning and the list included a bottle of champagne because I wanted to celebrate drinking again. I told you I’d had bad thoughts.
So that’s where I am at the moment. That’s where I am.