Imagine writing a really moany blog which went on and on about how dreadful giving up drinking was, and kept repeating itself and driving its writer and readers mad? Oh dear, that might be me and my blog.
Last night, I decided that I needed to look at this process in a slightly different way. Clearly I am struggling with giving up drinking, and feel angry and resentful that I can’t drink; and when I do drink, I feel hollow and guilty. So I clicked on a link on Mrs D’s website Living Sober which directed me to some information about alcohol/addiction and the reward pathways of our brain. It was fascinating. If I knew how to put the link here, I would, but I’m so unsavvy where computers are concerned. The article helped me understand the physical effects of alcohol on the body, and how we become addicted, and how the body and brain try to adapt to the alcohol, thereby reducing the body’s natural means of creating reward and pleasure. I won’t continue to try and summarise it here; the link is in Mrs D’s post (on Living Sober) entitled ‘You’re not a bad person, you’re addicted’.
I stop drinking for a few days, then I start again. I am not giving my body a chance to recover and to reset itself to being without alcohol. It’s no wonder that I feel in a constant state of confusion and frustration.
And I also notice that I am finding it increasingly difficult to give up for any length of time. 60 days? 40 days? How on earth did I do that, when I now can hardly do 3 days? My biggest trigger is Friday, as in tomorrow. I need a serious plan of action so that I can get through this weekend and start adding some time to my body’s attempts to work at its natural best.