Still reaching out

Yesterday I felt terrible. I reread my blog from beginning to end, and was saddened by my recent weeks of indecision. Yesterday, I wanted to hide. By the end of the day, I felt very low and ill, snapping at the family, so angry with everyone and everything. It was another Day 2 and I realised that all my stopping and starting with drinking is exhausting me. Drinking at the weekend is tiring in itself, but then the recovery time in the week is becoming harder and harder to do, and here I am now feeling completely washed out.

I am still determined, though it may not seem like that. Today is Day 3 and I am going to keep writing, I’m going to keep trying.

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31 thoughts on “Still reaching out”

  1. Day 3 woop woop woop. I know you don’t feel like celebrating, I know you feel like crap but you’ve done these days. I’m sorry you feel saddened by your thoughts at the moment.

    Please remember that demon wolfie is trying to keep you in his clutches. He’ll do anything including telling you you’re rubbish and you’re not. And especially on Day 3 he’ll chuck everything at you.

    Eat til you burst, be too full for any chance of wine. And if you’re snappy and irritated, tell your husband you think you’re coming down with something (if you can) and GO TO BED and read a book. Just tonight tomorrow you might seem so much better for it.

    I remember finding you and thinking WOW how many days, how positive does this lady sound. You inspired me.

    Hugest of hugs. You’ll get there in your own time. The Dappled Path is filled with light and dark and contrasts isnt’ it. Hope you find your own feet soon enough to give yourself some rest.

    XX

  2. Hi Annie, keep going you CAN do this, and you HAVE done it in the past; keep reminding yourself of that fact.

    A little off topic, but I’ve just joined weight watchers, I need the support and accountability of a weekly weigh in and support from the team to do this (and knowing that I’m paying to do this also helps!) I wonder if this would help you – not WW, but the support and accountability part of the process? I tried WW on line but it was the real live support I needed.
    Could you share how you are feeling with your husband or close friend?

    Please know that you have tonnes of support here, and thank you for posting. You continue to inspire me x

    1. Thank you. I am still hesitant about seeking outside support, but I know I may have to in the end. In the meantime, the blogging support is amazing. Annie x

  3. Hi annie
    Keep trying.
    Don’t beat yourself up. The past is done. We only have today. Make it the best today you can and know that that was enough.

    We are all cheering for you.

    Anne

  4. I have a wild idea for motivation to get that sober time under your belt. This worked for a guy I knew who needed a kick in the butt to stop smoking.

    Is there a political movement or charity that you absolutely HATE? Something that gets you all riled up? Something where you think that you’re right and the other side is wrong?

    In public, here on your blog, pledge to donate a painful sum of money to that cause if you take a drink within X number of days.

    You have to be honest with yourself, and us, of course, but I think it’ll be a powerful motivation to not drink and a way to get that sober car rolling again.

  5. Maybe it IS a good thing, in disguise, that this process it tiring you out. Going to bed can be a good way of hiding from Wolfie. And the balance of pros and cons of drinking is tipping. Eventually it will be easier _not_ to drink than _to _ drink. Stick with it!! 🙂

  6. Yet another Day 2 is still two days sober and that’s great! Tomorrow is day 3. Even better! Hang in and hang on. You’ve got this! Start planning now for fearful friday. Come up with a plan to fill the time!

  7. Hi Annie
    I have been feeling stink – I sense I may have over stepped the mark with one of my comments to you and hence upset you. I am thinking of you now and know it is Friday morning there for you now. I hope you are doing ok. I have just got back from my first AA meeting, and I just wanted to tell you that it was really good and I am glad I went. xxxx
    Lisa

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