Not quite here

It’s been a long time. Sorry. I am still here, but I’m not quite here, and I haven’t felt that it would be positive to blog.

But I wanted you to know that I was still here.

While I’ve been drinking, and thinking that this is all fine, a few friends have emailed me, and that reminds me that all is not lost, and that I could still go back to trying. Go back to trying not to drink.

But at the moment, that seems impossible.

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19 thoughts on “Not quite here”

  1. HELLO YOU GORGEOUS THING! I sill think about you heaps!!! you will stop when you are good and ready. you will just know when it is right for you. until then my dear, rest and be very very kind to yourself!
    you might enjoy listening to Tara:

    Part One: http://hwcdn.libsyn.com/p/a/1/3/a1332a5870c6d8da/2014-10-15-Pt1-Happiness-TaraBrach.mp3?c_id=7755343&expiration=1414221573&hwt=69f3fbc82420253e8331b5b25a908299
    Part Two: http://hwcdn.libsyn.com/p/c/7/4/c7448d99c319cc96/2014-10-22-Pt2-Happiness-TaraBrach.mp3?c_id=7777957&expiration=1414220822&hwt=c993e440a97e363d7f65987fd6a94c3d

    big big hugs from nz
    Lisa
    http://www.thecword-compassion.com

  2. Hi Annie, I agree with Ilsa, be kind to yourself. Let’s face it, kick starting a programme of sobriety two weeks before Christmas is not realistic. Every time I turn on the tv there is someone drinking a glass of Shiraz elegantly in front of a yuletide log. Alcohol is ubiquitous. Accept that now may not be the time. Try again in January when most of your peers are having a dry month and it’s easier. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. 2015 will be your year. x

  3. Hi Annie,

    I totally understand not feeling like you can blog here when you are drinking but you can if you want to, it’s ok, I know right where you are, and we will still be here waiting patiently if and when you want to come back.

    I’m going to disagree with the above. If you decided you needed to quit now – you can quit now. You can quit anytime. In fact, there’s something really quite powerful about quitting those times that seem “impossible” as then you know you can do it anytime.

    That said, if it takes til Jan to be ready to make another go of it that’s ok too. What I’d say in the meantime is try to be aware and ask yourself these things – are you really enjoying the drinking? What are the costs? Is it how you want to live? Is it ok? Just try to really look at it while you are drinking – you might find some new answers and motivation.

    Lilly x

  4. So glad to hear from you! If you don’t feel you can quit during the holidays then you won’t…you won’t quit until you are ready..plain and simple..no advice from any of us will “make” you ready! All we can do is give you our love and support which you have. I truly have faith in you and I know you will achieve sobriety and for some of us (myself included) it can take several attempts…hang in there we are cheering for you!

  5. This is YOUR blog, don’t worry about being “positive” for others! You do what’s best for you. Go ahead and write, you don’t have to share everything. It’s just good for us to write I think. None of us are perfect- that why we are here, blogging about our struggles. I hope you stick around. *Hug*

  6. So happy to hear from you! I’m trying again also, back on day2. Please keep writing, I need to know how my alter ego “across the pond” is doing! Never give up.

  7. Keep writing! We support no matter what. We are all dealing with alcohol at some stag, I think most of us have been where you are now. Took years of trying for me and then it was all of a sudden and I was done with it, day 94. Thanks for letting us know your ok. Keep checking in. 💗💗

  8. I’m glad you’re still here. This process unfolds at varying speeds and it’s not always the speed we or others assume it should be. Take care.

  9. Good to hear from you. I think about you often. I hope you are finding your way.
    There is a lot of power in writing down when you drink and how you feel. What are your triggers, etc. it helped me understand myself in the time before I quit.

    Take care of yourself.

    Anne

  10. Hi Annie, so, so good to hear from you. I don’t want to add any pressure, but I have missed your posts, and have thought about you often. No words of wisdom fro me, nothing new there! But as the others have said, it’s your path, your journey. I honestly think we will know when the time is right and we are ready. My moderating didn’t work in spectacular style at the weekend and I feel I’m on the brink. Wavering, teetering on the edge, but a step closer none the less. Keep posting, if you feel you can, and you want too xxxx

  11. At the risk of disagreeing, I think that waiting until you “are ready” is not a good idea. You seem to have tried very hard, several times, and failed. While it is true that it may take several attempts to stop drinking, at what point does “several attempts” translate into continuous and inevitable failure?

    If you are struggling, blogging alone is not the answer. Online support, while valuable and well intentioned (and I include my own response in that category) has not helped you thus far, and unless something really changes, is unlikely to help you get what you want.

    I am not really sure what you need, I don’t know you, and no one on this blog really knows you. But I would start the process by confiding in a flesh and blood person who knows you and genuinely cares about you. Only you knows who that is, but it could be a girlfriend, a relative or your husband. Good luck.

    1. I like this response a lot.

      Nothing changes if nothing changes, as they say. Not to be a jerk about it, but perhaps there is something else that might work but there is fear surrounding it? The one thing that I have seen amongst the bloggers who have been able to get and stay sober and happily sober is that there is a shift within. And often that shift is accompanied by connecting with people outside the blogosphere. Even if it’s phone / skype. There is something magical and healing and helpful about reaching out to another that really helps. I am not talking about AA per se – but just having coffee with someone in recovery. Having regular meet ups with them, or checking in with phone calls, etc. Anyway, it’s just something I am throwing out there. That and a quarter will get ya a phone call (do payphones still exist??)

      I wish you the best.

      Blessings
      Paul

  12. When you’re ready, you’ll figure it out. I hope that’s sooner rather than later, because you deserve happiness and health. Stay in touch.

    parkinglotpushups.wordpress.com

  13. Paul always has great advice! So glad to see you back! Your time will come. Maybe another try will be the greatest holiday gift to yourself.

  14. Hi, Annie. I don’t know you but I think of you often. I know how defeated a person can feel when trying to quit drinking. I just hope you don’t give up. You seem to know you want to quit but just haven’t found the right time. I sincerely hope you find your right time. Enjoy your holidays and hopefully you can have a fresh start after the new year. Take care of yourself and know you are doing the best you can.

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