It is 11.20pm and I should go to bed. My husband went to bed ages ago, and I said I would stay up and clear up. The washing up is waiting for me, but instead I have done something I haven’t done for a while: I have read all the sober blogs that I used to read, and have tried to catch up with their stories. I have missed them.
And where am I? Well, it’s nearly Christmas, and for weeks now I have been in the Nearly Christmas Zone, where everything seems to revolve around drinking and festivity. This is not a good place for me. Busy days, and then 5 or 6pm I open a bottle and greet my husband with it when he comes in from work. Tonight he suggested having a couple of days off, and I said, ” I am going to continue drinking until January 1st”. I am the opposite of sober; I am drunk.
I am frightened. I want to get back on the sober path that I tried this year, with some success. It now feels insurmountable. Always waiting until January 1st; always waiting. Is it even possible or sensible to begin a sober plan in the most alcohol filled month of the year? Or am I destined always to find an excuse not to go for it.