Day 1 denial

A few weeks ago I had to go to the doctor as I had this raw pain in my stomach. I was given some medicine and told to watch and wait. Guess what?  Drinking wine on a daily basis does not help improve raw pain in stomach symptoms. When the doctor originally asked me if I lived a healthy lifestyle, I said yes without hesitation.

I lied. You know those Am I An Alcoholic questionnaires that we all do?  There’s often a question in there which goes along the lines of: do you keep drinking despite negative consequences to your health? I always rather scoffed at that question, because I usually seem so healthy, even when I’m drinking. But I think this scoffing may have caught up with me, and that my stomach thing may well be caused or exacerbated by my drinking. Now, that is scary.

So, I’ve just been chatting to my husband about this. He was unaware that my stomach complaint was still rumbling away. Now I’ve told him.  ‘You have to give up drinking – at least for a month – to see if your symptoms improve. ‘

I know: why didn’t I think of this before?  Well, of course I did think of this, but I just didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to stop drinking.  I don’t want to stop drinking. But it looks as though I am going to have to.

No more dithering. No more procrastinating. I need to grip reality here and do something about it. Day 1 starts today, despite our New Year’s Eve party tomorrow night, despite friends coming to stay the following weekend. I know the drill – I’ve stocked up with tasty AF alternatives, and now I need to form a good plan of selfcare. I have been looking worn out for weeks, drinking every single night. I need to reach back and find the things that worked before – and there were things that worked – and think of new things, as I keep on stumbling forward.

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37 thoughts on “Day 1 denial”

  1. I am currently on vacation with an alcohol friendly crowd. Got my AF stuff lots of limes and lemons and a fancy glass. So happy for you!!!

    1. Thank you, my friend across the water! Just gearing up for tonight’s NYE party at our house. Got the AF fizz in – it’s actually quite nice. Thanks for not giving up on me. Annie x

  2. Medical tests are what finally smacked me in the face. That and my husband calling me a drunk, a shining moment to remember. (note sarcasm)
    If your body is telling you it is time, then it is time. You are doing damage. It sounds like you have a support system in your husband. Use it, get some tools for your toolbox, become accountable to someone.
    To get sober, you have to WANT it above everything else. Even when that addicted voice in your head is telling you to drink, your sober brain has to overrule that voice.
    Welcome to Day 1. You can do this. One day at a time. Today you won’t drink, no matter what. Then do it again tomorrow.
    Stay strong.

  3. Good for you. Go back to the doctor and tell the truth. They can help you. Also, try a meeting. White knuckling is just too hard. Best wishes for a healthy, happy sober living New Year. Life really is better without it I promise. It’s hard but so worth it.

  4. New years eve will be s good challenge. But very clear with yiur friends that alcohol is making you ill. That yes, even one, will hurt.
    Perhaps ask your husband to help you.

    I know you have been trying this for a while. I really think going to a meeting would be a helpful addition for you.
    You don’t have to feel like crap all the time. Life can be brighter.
    Alcohol is clouding your thinking.

    You can do it.

    Anne

  5. Sorry to hear you haven’t been well, like soberlearning says, maybe this is your body telling you now’s the time to get sober. In a weird way, it might help to have an additional reason to not drink? As in, it might be easier that you have something to tell people when they ask why you’re not drinking.
    I quit this time last year, until the end of January. I felt so overloaded with wine after the run up to Christmas, then the actual event itself, it was almost a relief to stop! Well done on day 1 🙂

  6. hope you start feeling better. my stomach, too, was feeling raw and i had other niggling health factors that made me decide that alcohol was no longer my friend. i consider myself pretty healthy- i work out 4-5 times a week, i am on no prescription meds, and eat fairly healthy. but things just here and there were telling my otherwise. i am not far into this sobriety gig but i feel better already. mentally and physically. i think it is starting to agree with me! lol congrats on day one and good luck tomorrow and the day after etc…

  7. Good for you. I’ve been thinking about going to the Dr. to have my liver function tested, right in the thick of a great swath of drinking nights, just to have someone else tell me it’s time. Somehow I think that would be more powerful than me telling myself to stop. And then letting myself start again. I’m just too scared he’s going to give me like a year to live or something. in any case, I look forward to hearing how this all turns out. I’m sure for the better, how could it not?

  8. When I stopped I had no more hot flashes, no more cramps in my legs, no more puffiness, and I sleep like a baby every night and wake up feeling wonderful.

      1. I wish you well. Really I do with the most sincerity. I love to hear when people decide to begin their road to peace and health. Please, keep us updated. We are routing for you!

  9. Good luck. I am on day 3 which many people have told me is a bit foolish coming up to New Year’s Eve but I felt like neither my head or my peace of mind could wait. I’ve found support through soberchallenge , who is also on day 3, which is great and stRted blogging on WordPress #somuchtogainfromthis but I am struggling to understand the full workings of it yet. I.e how to find/follow others. We can all be sober together tomorrow night despite the pressure, then reward ourselves on Friday. Part of me us dreading it but I was dreading every day before as I felt so rubbish mentally and physically, so even if I feel like a boring let down for everyone else tomorrow at least I won’t be letting myself down.
    Best wishes
    Sarah

  10. Been reading your posts the past week, really proud of you. Congrats on day 1. I am on day 17. It truly is one day at a time. Sometimes an hour at a time. You can do this. You want this. And you will feel so much better!!!

  11. Well done Annie for day 1! You can do this ! I have been following your posts for long time now and you are a strong lbeauriful lady who can overcome this . You ae bigger than alcohol – there is so much more in your life than this demon. I have felt so similar to you but once I fronted up to my doctor (the hardest part ) and my husband and asked for help it just got easier it was a relief! I’m 18 months sober and absolutely loving life and myself ! Not easy just wY way better! Blessings to you Annie – hang in there you can do this!

  12. Great! You can do this and now you have the perfect excuse if you feel pressured to drink…you are having digestive issues! In addition to the cyber world it helped me to have one person with whom I could share things with…find a friend to confide in. Wishing you strength and peace..

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