January the 1st

Well, I made it! As the champagne was cracked open, I opened my alcohol-free fizz; as the red wine was glugged, I had my fizzy water. I drank a lot of water. I felt a pang of envy as my husband and friends drank their champagne and wine, but I put the pang aside and tried to be cheerful. I kept thinking that the friends weren’t having a nice time: the other husband (not my other husband – I only have one) seemed to be disappointed when I explained that I wasn’t drinking, and he seemed out of sorts after that. But it may be that I just don’t usually notice stuff when I’m drinking; and NOT drinking, on New Year’s Eve, I was hyper-aware of how everyone was behaving.

Did I feel flat? Not really, and that surprised me. I felt a bit of the usual panic looking ahead and wondering how long I’d be able to sustain this, with holidays on the horizon (holidays have been my downfall every time so far), but I woke up today glad that I’d been sober last night. My husband has a headache today; he claims that he drank more than usual because I wasn’t drinking. Β Now, how does that work??

During the evening, I experienced a couple of moments where I felt like drinking. I texted a sober friend (you know who you are!) and her encouraging, warm reply really helped get me through. I also thought of the people who had commented on my blog and who were trying to be sober as well for their New Year’s Eves, and the sense of solidarity was palpable. So thank you to you all, Happy New Year, and I hope I can make it work this time.

17 thoughts on “January the 1st”

  1. Yay Annie!! You have inspired me this morning, your post was just what I needed. So proud of you, and a tad envious that you are hangover free. Good for you!!! We can do this together, I know it.

    Happy 2015!

    hugs,

    SR

  2. Awesome, awesome, awesome!!!!!! I bet you’re feeling wonderful right now! Remember that feeling, putting my head on the pillow sober is sometimes what gets me through the witching hours. 2015 is your year!
    Mary. πŸ’—πŸ’—

  3. It’s great feeling this good the next day, makes it worth the “struggle” when it happens, and remember this was a HUGE event (NYE) & you did it x

  4. So glad you made it. I did too. I can’t say it was easy but I was so happy that I stuck it out. I did lots of lifts to keep busy and then got up and cooked breakfast for the five thousand, feeling great! You’re right about knowing how much support there is out there, and how much that helps. It’s crazy really as we don’t know each other and could close our blogs or lie. No one would know. But it’s as though we’ve made this unwritten commitment just to be honest with ourselves and each other and to do the best we can. Happy New Year
    Sarah #somuchtogainfromthis

  5. Cheers to not feeling flat! And sticking to your decision to not drink! NYE is a big night. We should feel proud.

    My husband has said he drinks more sometimes now too – apparently he kept his drinking in check more when I was drinking because he never knew if he would have to take care of me (and the kids) or not. He never knew if I was going to go overboard and he’d have to be in charge. Now he feels like he can cut loose more because I’m the DD, etc.

    Not sure how I feel about that but ultimately it’s just another reminder that my binges affected everyone, not just me. He not only hated them because he was embarrassed but also because it meant I was checking out, and he would have to manage everything. Maybe I needed to check out…maybe that’s the escape I’m missing most now without drinking…maybe I need to find a healthy way to give myself that escape. Who knows.

    Thanks for making me think about that! Happy new year. Congrats on doing NYE sober.

  6. Congratulations, that makes two of us! We should feel very proud that we did it! I’ve stocked up on alcohol free drinks as I set sail into a sober January. Hope the journey isn’t too turbulent and I hope I can go further than January!!

    Much love Annie xx

  7. Hi Annie – I think it’s your Day 4 today, right? I am thrilled to report I am at Day 2 (so much better than Day 1 :)), thanks in large part to all the on-line support I received yesterday. We can do this!!

    Have a great day!

    Hugs,

    SR

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