I want to thank everyone for their comments yesterday. I got in the bath and stayed there until my son came to check that I hadn’t drowned. I found the evening particularly tricky, and your ideas and motivating words really helped get me through. I love the blog in this way, when I reach out and find voices.
As I go slowly into my second sober week, I have been trying to work out what I need to do and what I am already doing differently this time, to give myself the best chance of success. To go through the motions just isn’t going to cut it, and I am aware that I am used to these early days from my other sober attempts and don’t want to be complacent about future pitfalls. I like lists on other sober blogs, so here is a list:
1. I am going to try and write every day, even if things go wrong. In the past, I have gone silent and retreated into my own excuses.
2. I am using more sober support. This time, I am texting a sober friend – never done that before – and emailing others. As well as the comments on my blog, I find the ‘behind the scenes’ support incredibly helpful.
3. I have put in place a couple of sober routines: one is my mocktail every evening, the other is a bath. Whatever happens in my day, I’m going to try and make my mocktail and get in that bath.
4. I am exploring the possibility of going to a meeting. Big block here, but I’m working on the idea.
5. I am trying to be more willing, to stop denying that I have a problem and that I could moderate in due course, and to accept that I need to give up completely. In the past, I always gave myself get-out plans. No more get-out plans.
It helps me to make the list. Sticking to it is the tough part.