Tricky thinking

Sunday, Day 13 and our visitors have gone. I managed a sober weekend. During dinner last night, I had an intense craving for a sip of the red wine they were all drinking, just one sip. But I forced myself to drink the AF wine I was having instead, and felt gloomy when they were discussing Masters of Wine and the intricacies of being a wine expert.

After my anxieties on Friday evening, I felt that I was quite even-tempered while the guests were here, and I was able to enjoy their company and really listen to and appreciate them.

However… I want to be honest on this blog, otherwise it is pointless. I still miss it. On our dog walk this morning, my husband and I had a long talk about what I was going to do. I am seeing the doctor this week, and need to get this tummy thing completely sorted (it has got a lot better), so not drinking alcohol clearly makes sense at the moment. But longer term, I am still doubtful that I want to live alcohol free. Sorry; I would like to have a more determined outlook, but that is how I feel. I am not sure whether this is a nearing 2 week sober sort of feeling, or whether it is something more solid – but it is undermining my sober intentions.

14 thoughts on “Tricky thinking”

  1. It is totally normal to feel that way. I still feel that way sometimes! I think that is why the 100 day challenge is good. It gives you a little space from drinking so that you can make a decision based upon your best interests. Those well worn paths of thoughts and behavior take time to change. Give yourself a chance to really see what makes you feel best! It takes time to feel many sober benefits, and to therefore have more confidence in your world as a sober person. In the meantime don’t worry about forever, or even 100 days from now, and just take it day-by-day. Otherwise you will go back to the cycle of drinking and feeling guilt, shame and regret, and possibly doing damage to your health. Think through the drink! Remember- you are here, blogging about drinking, for a reason! xo

  2. Jen has given you perfect advice.

    I expect the stomach issues will completely resolve without drinking. It is definitely a physical symptom of alcohol abuse.

    Stop trying to make decisions forever. Keep drawinf your thoughts back to today. The future will take care of itself.

    Don’t drink today. Give yourself a chance.

  3. I still don’t use the FOREVER word, just take it day by day and once you start to feel the benefits and mentally replace the wine with something else that interests & absorbs you, reassess how you feel then. I have initially said I will do 90 days, and decide from there as I want to give my body, and mind, a REAL break from alcohol and a month is just not enough to achieve that.

    So go easy on yourself, live for now and stop worrying about the future may or may not bring xx

  4. Great advice here! Don’t think of forever. It’s counterproductive! I use the Irish fisherman’s prayer.”Help me, the sea is so wide and my boat is so small.” I don’t know why I find such comfort in that but it helps me become less anxious about forever. As long as I stay in my sober boat I’ll make it to my destination. Continue on. You’re doing really well!!

  5. Everyone said it. I also can’t think about forever. I have committed to belles challenge. I keep telling myself I will see what I want to do after the 100 days are over. I have been counting down from 100, somehow that makes it less daunting for me. I’m glad you posted that, that’s the reality of trying to quit.

  6. A few thoughts, Annie:

    If you don’t drink today, you won’t get drunk.

    If you don’t drink today, you won’t be hungover, guilt-ridden and/or remorseful tomorrow.

    It takes time (months, more than days or weeks) to get and stay comfortable in sober skin.

    All of that said, only you know if you’ve really ‘had enough.’ I can tell you that after ‘slipping’ following 2.5 years of sobriety, I (a) instantly regretted it and (b) convinced myself that moderation was an option (mutually exclusive, I know, but tricky thinking like you said). It took me another year plus to get to ‘had enough’ and while that’s been my journey and I certainly can’t change the past, I can’t say that I don’t regret this past year and a few months of ‘lost sobriety.’ For what it’s worth.

    They say in AA that if you’re not sure you have a problem with alcohol, go out and do some ‘research’ (ie, do more drinking). In counterpoint, Jason Vale says ‘the book won’t be the same the second time around. (ie, you might not see your next attempt at sobriety with as much enthusiasm or as good a perspective). Either way, if you have to drink again, that’s your journey. But think it through to the end if you can.

    Will it really be better, more comfortable to resume drinking? Will you be able to have two glasses of wine and just stop without a second thought and not have any more alcohol for a week or two? If you start, and then decide you need or want to stop again, will it be easier or harder or just the same (not that much fun) to start another Day 1 (or series of Day 1s). Do you WANT that/do you want to drink more than you want to risk THAT particular discomfort?

    I know it’s hard. But nothing worth having comes that easily. Only you know what is best for you, what’s going to work for you. I will chime in with the others and say commit to just staying sober today, and worry about the rest of this tomorrow. Maybe you’ll have a clearer perspective.

    Hugs,

    SR

  7. Give yourself a BIG pat on the back and lots of hugs from all of us out here!! Right everyone? πŸ˜„. Bask in the greatness of what you accomplished over the weekend, see what the Dr. says (be honest about your drinking) and go from there. We’ve all said it and live by it “one minute at a time”.
    Your awesome, Mary. πŸ’—πŸ’—

  8. I understand just how you feel Annie, alcohol underpins my social life with my husband, our friends and my time with my girl friends. I am struggling to imagine not having a drink with my husband as we unwind after a long week, or on a night out with friends. It seems such an integral part of our social life, and I like that.

    This is my first serious go at not drinking and trying to completely abstain. I can only dream of getting to 100 days. Your blog, the comments from others all inspire me to keep trying, one day at a time.

    Well done on this weekend, you have done well and deserve a wonderful treat – have you decided hat yet? XxX

  9. One day at a time. Sober today. Be in your moment and don’t worry about tomorrow. Deal with that when you get to it. Thats what everybody has said to me and it works. You conquered this weekend so its treat time. Think about that instead πŸ™‚ x

  10. When I first quit I could never have imagined “forever”…the only problem with that is that by the time I quit I could never imagine going back to my life the way it was with drinking in it either. I chose to stay sober and now, with some distance and perspective, I’m so grateful that I did.

    We all have our own stories to write. You’re the only one who can figure out what you want yours to say.

    Sherry

  11. One Day at a Time is the only way to go with this thing. Even after a year, I still do not think about forever. It is too far away. As many others have said, you haven’t given yourself the time needed to really feel what it is like to be a sober person.
    It is so hard in the beginning, to much to comprehend, it is like trying to understand the infinity of the universe. Give it time, your thinking changes gradually as your brain comes back to life.
    I never thought I would choose sober over booze. Some days I am still not positive this is how I want to live, but then I say, eh, I will do it one more day.
    Keep at it, it has some major benefits.

  12. Such great advice you have in this blog. I think we all feel the same way. Get through one day at a time and then maybe on one of those days you won’t be craving the wine anymore. I think it just takes some time. I am waiting for that day too. But I know I need some space from that last drink at the end of the year. That is why it is a 100 day challenge. We need to learn to live without the booze for a LONG while. Hang in there.

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