Wonder

I simply don’t know how people do it: stop drinking. I’m still only just managing, Day 19, but it is a PAINFUL process. I have just spent the last 15 minutes having a fruitless discussion with my patient husband in which I tried to persuade him to let me have a small glass of wine this evening. But you’re not drinking at the moment because of your tummy, he sensibly said. Why would you set yourself back like that? It would be like picking a scab (he said). He is right but I still feel CROSS and DISGRUNTLED and as though everybody gets this but me. I trudged round the park, feeling difficult, and mentally put up barriers to stop me succeeding. I am a sorry mess, I must say.

Earlier today, I was in awe of a fellow blogger who has just celebrated her first soberversary. She is truly amazing and inspirational (the blog is called Fitfatfood). I cannot imagine ever getting to that stage. Everybody says it gets easier, that it will become second nature, but I feel so stubborn, and as though I’m fighting it all the time.

Meanwhile, it’s getting dark here this Saturday evening.  My plea for a glass of wine has been swept away and my husband is going to light a fire, and I’m going to stop whining and chop vegetables instead.

25 thoughts on “Wonder”

  1. I remember feeling the way you write about. I could not see it as being possible for me, and couldn’t figure out why/how others could do it and I couldn’t. The beginning is ROUGH. It does get easier- it has to- or else none of us would be doing it! Not only does it get easier, it gets enjoyable and preferable! Hang in there! Just keep thinking- delayed gratification!

    1. Thanks. It is so hard to imagine it getting easier. I’ve done 60 days before, but I can’t remember what that felt like, and I wasn’t writing a blog at that point! Your support means a lot to me. Annie x

  2. Could you really just have one? For me one just isn’t worth it, guess if I can’t have all I want why bother. Keep chopping! 😄
    Mary. 💗💗

  3. You got a taste of the good vibes at around 60 days last time didnt you?
    This early stage isTRULY TRULY GASTLY. Honestly it is BUT you have to just take each day. Can you go to bed and watch tv? I did a lot if that to get me through AND walked the dogs while stuffing my face with lollies. Do whatever it takes, JUST DONT DRINK. DO ANYTHING ELSE. Even drink coffee????
    Big hugs from nz
    lisa
    http://www.thecword-compassion.com

    1. Hi Lisa. I’m not finding the lack of coffee too bad; it’s the no alcohol which really gets to me. Am watching a lot of TV! Thanks for helping me with it all – I really appreciate you. Annie x

  4. Would you stop at one? I’d like to think I could, but I know that I wouldn’t and have the usual dialogue of, just another one, one more wouldn’t hurt, oh go on then I may as well finish the bottle……does that sound familiar?!?!

    Have you tried the visualisation technique I mentioned before, it really helps me. I’m wishing you well tonight, imagine how great you’ll feel tomorrow at day 20.

    1. Yes, I do try that visualisation technique, the fast-forwarding, and I find it helps. But I’m so stubborn, I don’t make it easy for myself. Thanks for being here. Annie x

  5. Cross and disgruntled sounds about right.
    That is why we need to do things that make us feel good. Warm baths, chicolate, fizzy drinks, new tea. Cozy pjs. Whatever it takes to sooth those nerves and treat ourselves gently.

    Accepting this is your choice for today-to not drink-is very powerful. Just for today.

    Anne

    1. Hear hear to this comment. Finding new ways to make ourselves feel cared for by our own selves is such a positive thing to do and pays dividends into the future. Was it FFF who passed on that great quote ‘when you take away the dog’s bone, you’d better give it a steak!’ ? Wishing you steak all the way!

      1. It wasn’t me but I like it!

        Keep going Annie. We all felt like you do.

        I wrote yesterday about how shifting my focus away from the alcohol and onto what feelings I was drinking over reallg helped. Could you try combining this approach with other sober tools?

  6. It really does get easier. It gets to the point when you don’t even think about it but at the same time must always remember that drinking doesn’t agree with you. For me, I was always able to stop for awhile for a diet or some fitness challenge I was doing for instance. But, I always knew there was an end date and I could drink again. And I would. Then it would ramp up to a bottle of wine a night. On the weekends more. I never did anything stupid. I really am no different than many women I know. However, I knew it was getting to be too much. I thought about when I could have a drink, excuses to start earlier in the day, etc. The alcohol was also making me gain weight. Sorry to say I am a bit of a vain woman. I like to look good and I was losing my looks. So, I made the decision that I would NEVER drink again. My friends laughed at me. I think that was because they were uncomfortable and maybe felt they should be doing the same. However, that’s their decision. Anyway, at the beginning I didn’t know what it would be like to socialize, go on vacation, handle the holidays. You know what, it hasn’t been that hard. I’ve gotten used to it and I’m really proud of myself. I make sure I let people know I don’t drink. I just say it is because I don’t need the extra calories. My kids are really proud of me. They knew when I was buzzed and I know they didn’t like it. I will never drink again because I don’t want to let them down or for them to be ashamed of me. Annie, you really can do this. You just need to believe. I think a meeting would be really good for you. You need to give in and accept that alcohol isn’t good for you. I think you need to say forever and not just for now. It gives you an excuse to give up. I believe no one ever regretted not drinking. There isn’t anything you can’t do in your life sober. Everything you do is only better. I promise.

  7. How great of your husband to provide you with that kind of support. Have you thought about getting any other support in person? It is very helpful for some people….I know FitFatFood has said AA made all the difference for her. It’s a personal choice, but something to consider I think.

    You are helping me remember how hard it was to quit, so thank you for that. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can do this. You really can. Hugs!

  8. Please forgive me if this comes across as critical, but is it really fair to your husband (or yourself) to put him in charge of your sobriety? What happens when he’s not around to tell you “no”? Or worse yet, what if he gives in and lets you have that one glass of wine. If you really, really wanted that, you wouldn’t be trying to quit.

    Yes, stopping drinking is incredibly difficult, especially at first. Maybe make a list of reasons behind your decision, and look them over when you’re feeling as you are now. Or as others have suggested, think about AA.

    And know that it will get better, even if it doesn’t seem that way now. Make the decision to do this for yourself, and hang on in there!

  9. Keep going Annie, you can do this. It IS hard but it will be so worth it. I am up to day 15 so not far behind you. Surely everyone who has gone before us and said it gets so much better can’t be wrong. Thinking of you. A x

  10. Hello,

    Finding your blog inspirational. In early recovery I have had times when I wanted to give up so bad, because I was just too tired of fighting it. One day after about 40 days I accepted the fact that as far as right now, it’s okay that I have to fight this, it’s okay that I have this urge, it is a part of me and I’m okay with that. It became much easier to deal with my cravings after that, I expect to want to drink and I’m okay with it.

    I read a quote the other day that I related to this particular struggle. It went mildly like this…When the wave keeps beating you up, get out and ride the wave.

    Peace

    1. Hello Tim. I think part of the problem is that I haven’t accepted it yet. I know that, and I want to be able to accept it, but something is standing in my way. Thanks for commenting, and for your advice. Annie x

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