I could be rubbish

Thank you for your comments yesterday as I approached my 30 day mark. And now here I am, having reached 30 days. It feels like a small triumph.

Towards the end of last year, when I had pretty much given up giving up and was drinking what I wanted when I wanted, things began to unravel. An ordinary weekday evening would stretch ahead, and I would feel bored; I would open a bottle of wine to pass the time, and then I got to like the way it meant I didn’t need to tackle the various jobs left undone; it meant I could be ‘rubbish’. Now, I feel as though I have given myself permission to be rubbish at this time of day, I just don’t drink wine at the same time. Hence the new habits that have sprung up in the past few weeks: the TV watching, the chocolate eating, the bath taking. I don’t have to be busy busy busy all the time; it is ok to be sitting…eating cakes.

I would hazard a guess that many of us sober bloggers are organized people who like things to be well done and ‘just so’. We are probably pretty hard on ourselves. I am finding that to be successful in trying to be sober, I have had to relax my efficiency, not mind so much. The kids don’t notice if my in-tray is threatening to topple; they do notice if I don’t say goodnight to them because I am ‘cooking’.

So, still here, still counting, still hoping, still trying, still not perfect, still glad not to be perfect, and still a little bit rubbish.

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20 thoughts on “I could be rubbish”

  1. 30 days is AMAZING!!!

    Letting go of the perfectionist in me was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done…in fact, I’m still working on it. But, like you, I’ve learned that a little down time is okay. It doesn’t mean I’m lazy…it means I’m human.

    Congrats again! You deserve a treat!

    Sherry

  2. Annie,
    I am so happy you are on a healing path.
    There is a lot of healing in sobriety, I think.
    A big one is to let go of things being perfect.
    It’s one I am still working on!
    Peace and Hugs!

  3. Finding the good balance takes time. I just try to do what the day requires. If I am energetic I do more. If not, less. Somehow things figure the,selves out

    Glad you got to 30. You are doing yourself a lot of good.

    Anne

  4. Day 30! Well done…I believe you might enjoy the episode from the Bubble Hour called Getting Unstuck…I laughed and I learned…think you wold like it! Hugs to you!

  5. One of the best things I learned from quitting drinking is that I give myself permission to relax. Drinking was my form of allowing myself a chance to sit and do nothing, ignore laundry, etc. But without it, I realized it’s okay to take a breather sometimes and it doesn’t have to involved alcohol (and it’s much better when it doesn’t, because then I’m not beating myself up about it later).

    My husband also says I’m so much calmer now. I think I am just okay with sitting around. I used to feel so much pressure to be doing a million other things, but now I just respect that it’s time to sit and be still.

  6. I can relate sooo much to this post. Drinking gave me permission to let my shoulders down and relax. Admittedly, i was “relaxing” too much as in 3 hrs. in front of the TV. that’s not good. I think it’s good that you’ve learned to give yourself permission to relax without the booze. I need to do that. thanks for this post. 🙂

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