I am sorry to have gone quiet. I kept meaning to write a post, to let you know where I was, but the words didn’t come; I couldn’t write. But I kept thinking about my sober blog friends who had supported me all this time, and I didn’t just want to disappear. I always find it disconcerting when blogs seem to evaporate.
So, what happened? I was bowling along, had done 30 days, and was feeling good. But then I went away with my husband for a few days, and my plans failed. The problem is, I knew they would. In my mind, I wanted to drink, and I pushed away thoughts of sobriety, I squashed them until they were way way back in a little dark place.
I didn’t go mad, and I felt happy with my choice. But now I’m back home, and am not sure where to go from here. During my 30 days, I began to build up a real feeling of strength. Now I don’t feel weak exactly, but I feel in limbo. I am uncertain; I am unsure.