Monday evening

Nearly midnight. I disappeared for a while, and am still not sure how to proceed. I wanted to let you know that I am alright, although things aren’t going brilliantly.

I have always used the blog to chart my progress, or lack of. But I worry when I feel that people are disappointed in me. I know it is my path, but I do feel a certain responsibility for what I write. When I read other blogs, I am often influenced by what I read, and I have found it impossible to detach myself from the blog and write with no regard for people who might read it. If I didn’t want people to read it, I would write it on a little piece of paper and hide it in a drawer.

So, what’s been happening?  Well, I am back in a no-mans-land of indecision and doubt. But I still lack the determination to do something about it.

16 thoughts on “Monday evening”

  1. We have been in your spot. We are not dissapointed. Concerned yes. this blog of yours is like a therapist. You get it out of your brain then it prompts you to talk about it with others. One day at a time! One bog post at a time.
    Irish

  2. Keep writing if it helps, but certainly don’t worry about readers reactions. We’re only here to help. There is no such thing as “going back to square one”. Even if you feel like you’re having to START OVER, you are trying again with more knowledge, strength and power than you had before. Your journey was never over, it was just waiting for you to find it again. I like to know you’re OK no matter what.
    Mary

  3. Hey there Annie, wishing you all the best. I just read your post, and then one from Clearlee – do you follow her? She was just marking her six months (https://seeingclearlee.wordpress.com/2015/02/16/the-long-and-winding-road-6-months/#comment-470), and said this about her stumbling start: “I had already read so many books about addiction, found Recovery 2.0, and sought addiction counselling. I had dropped into AA meetings and SMART recovery meetings. I was a member of InTheRooms. I am stubborn as hell and it took me all this and more to get sober. It even took me reading blogs and blogging *for 6 months* before I could finally stick with it. And I don’t think a day has gone by that I haven’t checked my wordpress account. It has been my saviour.”
    – the emphasis on the blogging *for 6 months* is clearlee’s, not mine. I don’t know how long you’ve been blogging, but clearly (ha!) you’re not alone in struggling to get a foothold in sobriety. Your intention seems strong – you are still here – but maybe you just need to throw something else into the mix. I hope you work out what that is 🙂 Hugs. xx

  4. Hey. This is your blog. If other people get butt-hurt about what you write or what you do, fuck ’em. They know how to click the X in the red box.

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