Saturday afternoon

I was determined to make it through our supper party last night – and I did. And it was fine. I didn’t mind drinking fizzy rose and elderflower stuff, almost feeling sorry for my husband and the other man drinking wine. I felt tired by 10pm and wanted to go to bed; wine would have helped me to stay up longer but I know I’d have felt worse for it later.

I am determined; but a gnawing voice is also telling me that I’ve tried lots of times before, that I’m usually ok for the first few days, but that the temptation to drink always gets me in the end.

However, things are slightly different this time. Someone – and I have no idea who – someone has bought me a series of Belle’s audios, the first of which arrived in my inbox this morning. I am absolutely amazed that someone would do this for me. It feels as though someone is walking alongside me, holding my hand, and I don’t want to let them down.

I started my sober bath routine with a vengeance last night. When my son noticed that my husband and I were drinking AF fizz (in the bath!), he was surprised that we weren’t drinking alcohol on a Friday night. ‘Well done,’ he said, ‘you’ll feel so much better tomorrow morning. I am proud of you’. He is 13 years old.

Small saviours, watching me on my path.

20 thoughts on “Saturday afternoon”

  1. This post gave me goosebumps!! Literally! Small Saviours watching me on my path….. freaking amazing words….and so true.
    Rock it girl!! …and your son gets to see mommy feeling 100% better this morning!

  2. Good for you! Remember kids see everything. Set a good example. Your kids will be so proud. If you think they don’t get embarrassed and ashamed when we are drunk think again.

    I think you should stop thinking about the future and concentrate on “one day at a time”. Maybe even one hour, one minute and one second.

    Your entire family will be proud of you.
    All the best.

  3. Well done. And yes kids miss nothing. A mother of two that I know said to me last night that life is short so she’s going to do what she feels like in terms of drinking, smoking and eating. I know that anything could happen anyway but I do feel we have responsibility to stay as well as we can for as long as we can, if we’ve chosen to have kids?

  4. We’re all walking beside you because we’ve all been where you are! Maybe it was Belle herself! πŸ˜„
    Mary. πŸ’—πŸ’—

  5. WOW. That’s great! Here on day 7…. I know what you mean about the temptation getting you in the end. I just worked an overnight and the stupid voice in my head is telling me I DESERVE a few vodka and cranberries…. I just want this day and night to be over.

  6. You are blessed to have this person give you the audios…a great step towards your goal.. when everything you’ve tried before isn’t working it’s time to try something different…sounds like you are investigating those things now! I could not have made it this far without the support of other keep writing and reaching out…please don’t shut us out because we care and are a big part of your recovery..big hug!

  7. Welcome back. I was worried when your blog went off-line.
    You will get there in the end, I know you will. It took me years to finally kick it and I thought I could never ever manage without it.
    I’m six months in and life is getting easier. It doesn’t happen all at once, some days it felt like I wasn’t making any progress at all.

    You mentioned your son. I too have a 13 year old son and he is my biggest motivation in all of this. Even at such a very young age they’re aware of alcohol and start to talk about it with their friends. I was desperate that he didn’t grow up to have the same battle as me and I thought that if he saw me with a wine glass in my hand every single day it would be like a form of neglect in a way. As a parent I would be teaching him that it’s OK to abuse alcohol and when I really sat down and thought about that it hit me like a train. I realised it was up to me to help him to grow up with a healthy and hopefully normal attitude to alcohol.

    He obviously doesn’t know the details of my drinking and I never appeared drunk. However, we do talk about alcohol openly and how it can be destructive and that it isn’t glamerous. Like your son, I can tell he’s pleased I don’t drink and even a bit proud. I don’t want to let him down.

    Wishing you lots strength to overcome this.

    1. I’ve got 3 children, my son is in the middle. He’s the one who seems to notice the most, but in truth I think they all watch and worry. Annie x

  8. “Someone is walking along side me…” Aah, what a lovely thought. This process can be such a lonely time, how comforting and special that someone has done that for you. Says a lot about them, but it says a lot about their belief in you. πŸ‘

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