Not easy

It’s not easy. I do have more determination this time, or at least I feel as though I do; but Day 4 sounds small, and I know it’s not an amazing achievement. I seem to spend every waking hour thinking about how best to achieve my sober plan. I wake feeling positive, listen to The Bubble Hour and Belle’s audios on my dog walk, spend some time reading blogs, respond to the comments on my blog, write a post if I can, then plan how best to tackle the witching hour and the tricky descent into the evening. Oddly, I had thought the return to school routine after the half-term break would make it easier, but in fact I feel out of sorts today, and hampered by what I’ve embarked on.

In truth, I’m panicking.

Another stab at sobriety? Why should I succeed this time when I’ve failed so many times before? Why do I keep putting myself through this? My husband is drinking the red wine he opened at the weekend, a glass a night because it’s lasting a long time (without me) and he’s so relaxed and fine, and not worried about drinking. He’s not even thinking about it. I want to be like that!

Ssssssshhh, ssssshhhh, I need to quieten down those pesky voices which are trying to undermine what I’m doing.  Because I AM doing this. I am trying again, armed with some new resources and the gift of being given another chance.

17 thoughts on “Not easy”

  1. Keep at it.
    Surrender is the first step at AA because it helps. Surrendering to the ideas that you can drink moderately. That alcohol is offering you anything.

    Early sobriety does require a lot of focus. Because addiction is not an easy thing to break. It is cunning and baffling. I know my own behaviour often scared and frustrated me. I would have great plans to only have one drink and I would never be satisfied.

    Just take today and decide to not drink. No matter what. That 4 days will grow and grow.


  2. You’ll always be given another chance! Have you asked your husband to stop drinking just for a week, to help you and also for him to see how hard it is and what you’re going through? Hugs!
    Mary. 💗💗

    1. Hi Water Girl! Belle is an amazing person on a site called Tired of Thinking About Drinking. She runs a 100 day sober challenge, and does loads of other brilliant sober support things as well. Check out her site – on it you’ll find links to the various things she does. Annie x

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