It’s not easy. I do have more determination this time, or at least I feel as though I do; but Day 4 sounds small, and I know it’s not an amazing achievement. I seem to spend every waking hour thinking about how best to achieve my sober plan. I wake feeling positive, listen to The Bubble Hour and Belle’s audios on my dog walk, spend some time reading blogs, respond to the comments on my blog, write a post if I can, then plan how best to tackle the witching hour and the tricky descent into the evening. Oddly, I had thought the return to school routine after the half-term break would make it easier, but in fact I feel out of sorts today, and hampered by what I’ve embarked on.
In truth, I’m panicking.
Another stab at sobriety? Why should I succeed this time when I’ve failed so many times before? Why do I keep putting myself through this? My husband is drinking the red wine he opened at the weekend, a glass a night because it’s lasting a long time (without me) and he’s so relaxed and fine, and not worried about drinking. He’s not even thinking about it. I want to be like that!
Ssssssshhh, ssssshhhh, I need to quieten down those pesky voices which are trying to undermine what I’m doing. Because I AM doing this. I am trying again, armed with some new resources and the gift of being given another chance.