Day 10. Yes, I made it through the party, and it’s now lunchtime on Sunday on what is a really nice, sunny day in this part of the UK.
I can’t tell you how important the blog comments were to me as I set off for the party, and when I got home. And I took my phone with me, in case I needed to lock myself in a small room to text my sober friend. When I arrived at the party, the lovely hostess (she really is lovely) offered me prosecco, wine or gin. Soft, please, I said, I’m driving. So then it was coca cola (yuck) and fizzy water with ice and a slice from then on. A few people noticed and commented on my not drinking; one or two were openly disappointed, rolling their eyes despairingly. Not that again, they said. I didn’t like making a fool of myself, was my response. I definitely get the feeling that these guys prefer the drinking me, that they don’t like this sober me, and that made me feel sad last night. I felt left out, distant from it all somehow, and instead of chatting to people, I was lost for words and a bit bored.
The other thing I noticed is that it is difficult and feels stupid holding a cold glass of water all evening. I kept trying to put it down, and then I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I realised that usually I hold a glass of wine so that I can sip it regularly, but there’s only a certain amount of water one can drink.
But it was good not drinking. By the time we left (we were the first people to leave), many of the women (I didn’t notice the men) were really drunk. It’s not a pretty sight.
I drove home wondering if I’ll ever be able to enjoy a party again.