After the party

Day 10. Yes, I made it through the party, and it’s now lunchtime on Sunday on what is a really nice, sunny day in this part of the UK.

I can’t tell you how important the blog comments were to me as I set off for the party, and when I got home. And I took my phone with me, in case I needed to lock myself in a small room to text my sober friend. When I arrived at the party, the lovely hostess (she really is lovely) offered me prosecco, wine or gin. Soft, please, I said, I’m driving. So then it was coca cola (yuck) and fizzy water with ice and a slice from then on. A few people noticed and commented on my not drinking; one or two were openly disappointed, rolling their eyes despairingly. Not that again, they said. I didn’t like making a fool of myself, was my response.  I definitely get the feeling that these guys prefer the drinking me, that they don’t like this sober me, and that made me feel sad last night. I felt left out, distant from it all somehow, and instead of chatting to people, I was lost for words and a bit bored.

The other thing I noticed is that it is difficult and feels stupid holding a cold glass of water all evening. I kept trying to put it down, and then I didn’t know what to do with my hands.  I realised that usually I hold a glass of wine so that I can sip it regularly, but there’s only a certain amount of water one can drink.

But it was good not drinking. By the time we left (we were the first people to leave), many of the women (I didn’t notice the men) were really drunk. It’s not a pretty sight.

I drove home wondering if I’ll ever be able to enjoy a party again.

24 thoughts on “After the party”

  1. Welcome to day 10! The day is even nicer and more sunny without a hangover. Unfortunately, some of those people who prefer the drinking Annie will miss out on the beauty of today! They will nurse a headache instead! You did yourself proud! Keep the momentum going!

  2. You’ll definitely enjoy a party again (pinkie promise!) and you’ll enjoy the-day-after more than ever before. You’re doing great Annie, Love from the Sober Garden x.

  3. You did really well! Be proud of yourself!
    I totally get what you say about feeling different at a party without the wine. What was it Sacha Scoblic said in her book, ‘events with booze now just seem like interminable standing’!
    I went out with a few friends last autumn and I remember wanting just to sit down and chat. But that wasn’t really happening, so I got bored and I just wanted to go home. There was also a bit of eye-rolling. ‘oh, how boring!’, one of our friends said to me. Great!
    I felt a bit sad too, but I also feel as though none of that partying was particularly real. Alcohol didn’t make it any better – I probably just made a fool of myself, and there where plenty of times when I overdid it and had to stay in bed until past lunchtime the next day. Ugh!
    I am trying to make the most out of the times when I do go out though. Not easy for me, I’m very insecure about not fitting in, but I think it’s easier for me to be myself without the wine – which is the most important thing.
    Congrats on day 10! x

    1. I always always overdid it at parties. That’s probably why the one on Saturday night felt so strange: no overdoing it! Annie x

  4. Well done! You will definitely enjoy a party again…sometimes it will be good and sometimes not..(good bubblehour episode about this)! You also may find some of your friends are annoying as hell when they drink…but for now take every situation one day at s time!

  5. I’m only 14 days sober but I have a brother & niece who have been sober for years. One thing they do is bring their own drink, my brother brings NA beer and niece brings a Mocktail that everyone can have, they just add alcohol. So she comes in as the “fun Girl” with the “fun drink”! She puts it in a nice glass and chats away.

  6. I admit I would probably have been like those rude friends. I was always more comfortable getting hammered if everyone else was drunk. I’m sure I was a complete a$$.
    Great job. Be happy and enjoy today. None of the partners are, I can assure you.

    It will take a while to enjoy parties again, especially if you feel deprived. Did you really want to be one of those drunken women? Would you have been having fun? Or would you have woken with regret and dismay?

    Enjoy your nice day. Give sober Annie a chance to find her way.


  7. Well said ainsobriety. I went to a couple of parties where I was the designated driver (not telling anyone that I was/am trying to quit ) and I will admit I felt “left out”. I think it’s best to turn down those invites where the “triggers” are. self care comes first!

  8. Well done Annie. I understand how you feel about the party thing, stll feel awkward at a party. But you know what, it sounds like EVERYONE is awkward at a party, and it is only the brave ones that can face their fears and not drink. and remember, a party is what percentage of our waking life……um, not much. Family and our kids is way more important than a dumb once in a while party!
    well done again

  9. I hope you are feeling very proud of yourself today, you should be!!!!! You will enjoy parties again, friends will realize after awhile that you’re serious this time and it won’t be an issue. Stay strong!
    Mary. 💗💗

  10. Dear Annie,
    I am not a big party person anymore. I realized that the party me, was the drinking me.
    I really like connecting with people over coffee.
    Just one or two people at a time.
    I hope you enjoyed the sun!
    I have sun here, too!

  11. You are amazing Annie! Well done for sticking to your guns and not drinking. You gave it a go and perhaps won’t go to their parties again. But you will find parties with other sober people in the future. I hope you’ve had a lovely day today xx

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