No romance

I still associate drinking with a kind of hazy, romantic ideal; my art gallery debacle yesterday, which sent me into a spin, reminded me of this. Watching certain films, often old-fashioned ones, can also stir up the desire to drink.  I need to separate this notion of elegance, sophistication and beauty from the reality of my drinking; the way in which I needed to drink daily, the amount I drank, what happened to me after I’d drunk too much: these things were in no way elegant or refined, but tawdry and sad. So why the pull?  Why am I so easily seduced by the IDEA of the drink?

Meanwhile, it’s Day 12. I’m still here, and I’m so grateful for all your support. But I’m still finding it really difficult.

26 thoughts on “No romance”

  1. Hi Annie, I am at DAY 3 and can relate to what you’re feeling. So far, my main motivation is my health… I don’t want to die! I read a lot about liver damages and that really gets me back on track.
    Keep it up you’re doing great!
    Diane

  2. It is difficult. If it was easy there wouldn’t be AA, detox or treatment.

    Addicition is a bitch. You are doing the right thing by reaching out here for help. And hopefully finding help in real life.

    Because there is so much life on the other side. And it is brilliant!

  3. Hi Annie. I’m on Day 11. My day yesterday was so much like yours. I was doing great, then all the romantic drinking ideas started to roll around. I listened to a podcast about relapse and finally got through the evening. Today seems hard too, and I don’t know why. I just keep trying to stay focused and know these feelings will pass or at the very least lessen in intensity. This will get better! Let’s both stay strong.

    1. Day 11 is great! I agree, it’s hard. I fluctuate every few hours: I feel fine, then I feel dreadful; I want to do this, then I don’t. It’s a nightmare! Annie x

  4. Hi Annie. there are going to be some real rough patches in the short term. I ilke the idea of you going back and reading your earlier blogs to remind yourself how ‘ROMANTIC’ drinking is for you!!!
    You need to make a decision again, NOW(just for today) to not drink. You can deal with tomorrow, tomorrow. Stay strong, you CAN DO THIS. Day 12 WOO HOO
    Lisa

  5. Hi Annie!
    The beginnings are hard! I am so glad you are posting everyday.
    That really helped me a bunch!
    Talk yourself through the bottom of the drink.
    It’s not romantic as you said.
    Hugs!
    Wendy

  6. It helped me to remember that you aren’t always seeing the whole picture. A person might look sophisticated having a glass of wine, but they might be going through hell on the inside trying to appear that they are drinking normally. Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides!

    Also- the romantic idea of drinking has been beaten into our heads through the advertising industry, when the truth is that drinking too much isn’t romantic at all. It ruins lives.

    Stay strong! You can do this!

    1. These are wise words. I like the idea of people’s outsides not reflecting the insides. The ‘image’ of alcohol in advertising, films etc is dangerous. Annie x

  7. I understand just how you feel, if I could snap out of that mindset I think it would be so much easier to do this.
    Good luck

  8. Hi Annie, movies and tv shows make wine look so glamorous don’t they? I’ve had to stop watching Cougar Town because they are always drinking wine and no one ever gets drunk. Same as Sex and the City. It does my head in! At least on Friends they drink copious amounts of coffee.
    I was never refined and sophisticated when I drank wine. It always ended slurry and sad. We are setting ourselves free from that, Should to Shoulder xx

  9. Congrats on Day 12, the romanticism is probably one of my single most forcible triggers – it’s everywhere, it’s chic, why shouldn’t i do it. I also find myself saying things like “they have a whole wine and beer section in whole foods, and my fitness instructors are always reminding us that happy hour is next! so it must be ok.” it’s hard to know the truth.

    1. I agree. It is really hard to know the truth, although I always have this little feeling, deep down, that the truth is lurking. Annie x

  10. If you can just hang in there…remind yourself of the health issues etc…it’s hard but as others have said addiction has it’s own very strong voice..things will get better and better…will the romantic thought of holding a wine glass ever stop? Don’t know…but I do know the constant thinking about drinking DOES stop…hold on…you can do this!

  11. I can’t stand the mental gymnastics either. sometimes I’m all good and others all I want to do is have a drink. except it’s never just one…. putting this day to bed. that’s where I love to hide.
    last night while cooking dinner I listened to the Bubble Hour “getting unstuck” podcast. It was very informative and I recommend it!

    1. I had already listened to this podcast, but you’ve reminded me of it again. So I’ve downloaded it, and started listening to it this morning. It’s spot on for me at the moment. Annie x

  12. I wish I could put you in a time machine and zoom forward to say DAY 119! You would absolutely not believe how much better and how much easier the journey becomes. Keep up the momentum. Life is so much better sober! You just have to slug through these early days. The true romance starts as you fall in love with the sober Annie!

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