Wishful thinking

This morning I was listening to a Bubble Hour podcast about Getting Unstuck. If I knew how to link it here, I would. I’m so computer illiterate. But it’s a recent episode from January this year. A sober friend from this blog recommended it, and it is timely, because two weeks into my latest sober walk (crawl? run? creep?), I have begun to experience that ‘wishful thinking’, the thinking which leads you down the ‘how bad was I’ route, the ‘this is all quite a big deal’ route…the route back to drinking. It has happened to me every time: I get a few days or weeks under my belt, and then I lose interest, or motivation, or I get frightened, and I start trying to moderate. Someone on the podcast described it as the idea that THIS TIME it would be different, that this time I’d be able to control and quite happily drink one glass of wine a week.

That’s what I’ve been thinking.

Well, we all know how well that will go. And so it is really important that I don’t allow myself to go down that route, and that I keep on with what I’ve been doing so far, which is: not drinking alcohol, texting my sober friend, emailing Belle, reading and replying to comments on my blog, emailing some sober friends I’ve made along the way, having good alternative drinks in the house at all times, treating myself regularly (I find this hard), baths, candles (I’ve always scoffed at candles, but it turns out that candles are good), not looking beyond today, not romanticising the drink, wearing my bracelet, and not pushing the blog away. And not pushing myself away.

14 days today. My aim is to carry on with all the above, and add new things if necessary, and not to let wishful thinking get the better of me.

25 thoughts on “Wishful thinking”

  1. Keep doing what your doing!!! My thought on “1 drink once in awhile”, for me and sounds like for you too – I needed more than one drink to get to the state of mind I wanted, one wouldn’t do it so what’s the point. Keep telling myself if I can’t have as much as I want, which was getting destructive for me, so I won’t have any. Getting easier to live with that, day 181. Once again keep doing all those good things you listed above! 😍
    Mary 💗💗💗

  2. You’re doing so well Annie and sound well-equipped, so to speak! Wishful thinking…oh, I am SO quilty of that. And funny you should mention pushing your blog away. I’ve been thinking of doing just that recently – pushing my blog away, that is, not yours! But I am going to stick around and sit in my Sober Garden for a while before running off! (Running off is a bit of a habit of mine.) Good for you for hanging on in there and arming yourself with the necessary tools. Love to you xx.

    1. I’m finding it difficult to write the blog every day, but I don’t want people to panic if I write every few days. I’ll still be here. But I have found the blog really helpful. Annie x

  3. I call it my sober “slither”…slow but determined. Sigh….why does this have to be so difficult???

  4. Hey – I think the idea of “I wasn’t that bad” is especially enticing to people with alcohol problems because time always allows the grittier details to fade away. And perhaps it’s possible that some people, because of their tendencies toward worry or worst-first thinking, really DID make a mountain out of a molehill when it came to their perception of their drinking.

    The problem with this line of thinking, at least for you, is that you have a written record stretching back at least a year that does not allow you to forget or romanticize the drink. You know this and we know this, and we like you too much to let you forget it 🙂

    I’m glad you’re staying strong and doing things that will help you rather than drag you down.

  5. Hi Annie
    just focus on TODAY and TONIGHT. read all your old blogs about your ‘romantic moderating’ and how good it felt ….. NOT!
    you are doing brilliantly, keep it up, I PROMISE lfe on the other side is SOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER
    Lisa
    PS. who would have thought, I never did but honestly it is !

  6. Hi Annie. I’m right there with you. Things are getting better in the second week but I have these moments where I think “Man I’d really just like to get ripped one time.” I’m not even thinking moderation, but then I know that one time would join the other “only one times”, and last week was so horrible, that I really don’t want to do week one again. So big deep breaths and let’s keep reminding ourselves there are very good reasons why we started this in the first place. I can feel my head getting clearer and there are so many signs that things will get better. We’re just stuck in this “not quite there yet” phase, and we just need to hang on one more day.

  7. Thursday’s are always tough for us ex. Drinkers i think. They certainly were/are for me, as for longer than I can remember it is the day that is full if anticipation, where I romanticise the lovely weekend I am going to have with a few drinks and lots of fun! However the reality was usually really quite shitty. Losing too many hours of those precious weekend days feeling rough! Nausea and upset stomachs! Avoiding looking too closely in the mirror (or my purse at times!). Making plans for the Monday when I was going to start again! Drinking even more because it was my absolute last weekend of drinking! Ever! Determined this time of course! And then it’s all forgotten because suddenly it’s Thursday again and I’ll have this last weekend of drinking. Just one more. Again! This is how it was for me anyway and I suspect for you too Annie. Stay strong. You are doing brilliantly x

    1. This is so true. I have always found Thursdays really hard, worse even than Fridays. And that sober/drunk routine was really starting to get me down. Annie x

  8. Annie I am so proud of you. This is hard. You are worth it. Stay sober long enough to get though these parts that suck. Actively look for things about your day, or your life, that are better alcohol-free. I’m probably not much help, but I’m here for you.
    Jenn

  9. 14 days is amazing! You’re well past the really bad part and should be saddling up that pink cloud anytime now.

    Try to remember to stay in the gratitude part of sobriety and away from the thought that you’re depriving yourself. You’re really not depriving yourself of ANYTHING – you’re giving yourself the greatest gift you could ever give.

    Sherry

      1. That’s what the AA’ers call “stinkin thinkin”. It will tear you a new one. Try to find at least one thing about your sobriety that you’re grateful for every day. It helps…I promise.

  10. And that feeling of deprivation put me squarely back at day 1 today…. here’s to a sober weekend!

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