I’ve been having lots of doubts, and am finding this really difficult. The 100 day challenge seems impossible, 16 days a mere drop in a vast sober pool that I can’t swim across.
But there are signs from the universe that I need to do this. Struggling yesterday, the film that dropped on my mat was Begin Again. Mentioned by Mrs D on her blog a long time ago, and jotted down by me at the time, it is partly about alcohol and its damaging effects; I had forgotten all about it, and then there it was. So I watched that last night.
Then today, I woke thinking that today would be the day that I would drink again. And then I realised: not only is it my daughter’s 16th birthday today, but it is also Day 16, and that although this is a coincidence, it seems as though someone is watching out for me, nudging me in the right direction.
Big party this evening for my daughter, a dinner for her and her friends which we are hosting at home. I would normally drink through this, and miss it. And although it sounds obvious that I shouldn’t do this, the idea still hovers lazily overhead. It is as though I am sick inside.
Stay here, Annie, stay here.
Oh dear! I am talking to myself!