Where now?

The party went well, and was a success; except for me. I drank. At 16 days sober, I drank some champagne and wine. Not a lot, but one sip breaks my 100 day challenge and I had several sips. So I’m back where I started. I know what happened: I lost my focus. I felt it happening a few days ago, but I didn’t put in enough emergency tools to get myself through last night, and I let the I don’t care voice win. I didn’t behave badly, I enjoyed my daughter’s party, but I let myself down. And all of you. I am sorry. I had the support, but I ignored it. I will email Belle, I will text my lovely sober friend, and I will think about what to do now.

22 thoughts on “Where now?”

  1. Don’t worry about letting other people down. This is your story. Last night was a tremendous trigger. You are human. We all are. This is not about being perfect. I applaud your honesty. Now. Onward for day 1!

  2. Thanks for being honest. Do not think about letting people down, even yourself. I have started over a million times I think. We just keep on plugging ahead. Take care of yourself today and let go of the guilt. It does not serve any purpose and will just keep you down. Glad you had a great party! I am on day 8 today. Again!

  3. We are hard enough on ourselves so don’t add to the angst with worrying about letting us down..it’s your journey and we are standing by you no matter what..sounds like you’ve given thought to the triggers…pick yourself up and get back on the wagon..

  4. I’m doing the 100 day challenge too and have had similar setbacks. I get some momentum going then derail myself. It’s very frustrating, and it’s hard to be patient. I want to wake up tomorrow and have it be day 60! I have to remind myself that I didn’t get to this place overnight so I can’t expect instant success without putting in the time. We can do this though…just put this latest rough night behind you!

  5. Please don’t apologise, like everyone has said, it happens and we are all here trying again. Be kind to yourself, you are an amazing person because you are trying. Big hugs xxx

  6. Just keep trying Annie. You will get there one day soon because you really want this. It took many of us a long time, with many setbacks, x

  7. Hi Annie

    Sorry to hear you are finding this tough. I too have been struggling but after a while in denial, here I am back on day 1.

    Good luck and lets do this 🙂

  8. It’s sad that you chose to drink. I wonder if you would have more success in the future if you made your 100-Day challenge public. Not just here on this blog, but to your family and friends as well. And that way, if they see you about to pick up, they can mention it. It may not stop you, but it may provide a more rational voice to counteract the “fuck-its” that you’re feeling.

    1. I’m sure you are right. I know that I don’t tell people what I am doing, because I don’t want them to hold me to it. All part of my denial. Honesty in real life is still something I haven’t got a handle on. Annie x

  9. it’s hard. i failed a 30 day challenge today at not even a week. This is the second attempt. I haven’t even blogged about the fall off the wagon, you heard it here first. I’m starting to get downright scared of my inability to complete a challenge. Let me know if you want to connect via email and try supporting each other through the next challenge. You are stronger than you know. adrienneschoices@gmail.com

    1. It is really hard. The challenges are a good way to measure one’s progress. Don’t give up, and thank you for giving me your email address. Annie x

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