So I’m back navigating those early days of sobriety. Days 1 and 2 don’t seem so bad, the memory of feeling rough still fresh, but I know it gets much more difficult in the next few days, and I am determined to get through these difficult patches this time. I know I always say I am determined, but I’ve got to keep saying it, and believing it – and actually trying to do it.
I was playing in a concert last night so drinking wasn’t an option (although some people do drink in the interval), and I was able to appreciate the good night’s sleep I had after Friday night’s dreadful one. I was still smarting from my husband’s comments about my being belligerent after my Friday wine, but it is partly his reaction which is making me want to be sober.
I counted 100 days ahead in my diary to see where I need to get to for the 100 day challenge. It seemed an impossibly long time away, towards the end of June. June! I won’t project that far ahead; I also won’t worry yet about our holiday in a couple of weeks, when we are meeting up with a whole bunch of boozy friends and I have no idea how I’m going to manage that yet.
No, I’ll just think about the rest of today, the rest of Day 2, and how I’m going to manage that.
17 thoughts on “Back to the early days”
You are doing great! I find taking it a day at a time makes the goal feel much more achievable. Just think about getting into bed sober and having that great night’s sleep. You can do this 🙂
I’m sorry, I disagree with Findingmyfreedom and others that have responded to your blog. I’ve been following you for a while and you seem to be in a rut of starting and stopping which in itself is almost addictive and which stopping becomes a thought that is easily dismissed later. I’m sorry to be hard on you, but if you really wanted to stop drinking then make that PRIORTY 1. That means not going to parties or social events of any kind or having them until you have a good chunk of sober time behind you…not 5 or 6 days or even a month. I’ve been reading you’re blog because I too am early in my sobriety but I am truly bewildered why you continue to put yourself in harms way. For God’s sake stay home. Find something to do that doesn’t involve alcohol. I am equally bewildered by all the responses that say “your doing great!” Is it time for a reality check here? Obviously you’re not doing great. Do you think there might be some codependency and enabling going on wit these responses? STOP going to places where drinking is rampant. And give your husband a little credit for putting up with this! I’m sorry to sound so rough but sometimes it’s time to say “enough already”. There are people that are starting sobriety reading this thinking it’s normal to crumble after a week. I’m really not sure what your blog is about because you’re not helping these people or yourself for that matter. This may sound harsh but maybe that’s what some of us need rather than praise for making it 5 days. Our lives are at stake here. We will DIE. Please look up all the health consequences of this disease, then say “1 week, good for you!” ??? This is NOT a matter of “oh, I ate a cookie today, how awful?” I am so afraid of dying, aren’t you? Have you ever seen anyone die of alcoholism? If not, believe me when I say, it’s easier to stay away from alcoholic events and make some life changes. Please email if you like (I don’t know if you have access to it, but I’ll give it to you). And I don’t want you to stop blogging. I’d love to see you succeed so you can say FU to me.
With love and complete understanding;
I think you have good intentions here, but the reality is this is not easy. Annie’s blog shows just how hard getting a period of sobriety can be. And her honesty with the struggle shows how hard it is to break addictive behaviour.
A big stick, or threat of repercussions isn’t always the solution. Sometimes love really is the answer. I hope Annie feels the love and support we all have for her.
Sometimes it’s shown like your post-hoping reality gets through.
and sometimes it by cheering, celebrating even small steps.
Thank you Liz for that comment, I’m printing and posting it on my fridge! You are so right… I was at Day 15 yesterday and I gave in and drank… reading other people doing it and starting over – again and again – sort of gave me permission to do it, which is WRONG. I needed to hear what all you’ve said, so again thank you as it takes a lot of courage to be that honest. Do you have your own blog?
i think what you’d learn about relapses is that they suck and are hard to recover from. i think you’d learn that you don’t want this to happen. so you stick through tough days, even if they suck. no matter what anyone around you is doing. No one gives you permission to drink. That’s all wolfie in your head. if you have more support you might find it easier to separate what other people do from you. this is hard stuff. don’t be too hard on yourself.
Liz, you will find that tough love sorts of comments just don’t work with us boozers. All that works is loving support. If you can’t offer that, then you may want to look away. Drinking isn’t about anything rational – or the whole universe would be sober already 🙂 These sorts of comments – you maybe think you’ll jolt her into action – but your comments are hurtful and counterproductive. What Annie needs is more support, more tools, more accountability. She doesn’t blog to teach anyone anything. She’s doing it for herself. She needs support. And lots of it. This shit is hard. it defies logic. That’s The Point.
I read Liz’s post and found myself agreeing with a lot of it. However blunt it may be, I didn’t see anything hurtful or anything resembling a personal attack. I think there should be room in the sober blogging community for all comments and opinions as long as it doesn’t get vulgar or mean, and I didn’t see any of that in Liz’s comment. I thought it was a very honest and thoughtful comment from someone who herself is early in recovery. I don’t think that kind of voice should be discouraged.
Belle and others – and Annie!
I totally get your point about loving support and encouragement, but I have to say that I also understand Liz’s frustration. So many people blog or write on forums things like “I didn’t plan to drink, but I went to a party and someone handed me a glass of wine, so I drank it.” I’ve done that myself, and I know that just by going to the party without a foolproof plan in place, I had already given myself permission to drink. Deep down, I knew I was going to drink before I even went. Like others, though, I always feigned surprise when it happened, because I didn’t want to face up to the the fact that drinking didn’t just happen to me, it was what I chose.
Once we have done that a few times, it gets really frustrating to see other people doing the same thing. Unfortunately, other people can’t learn from our mistakes. They can only learn from their own.
I didn’t find Liz’ comment mean just honest. Really, if you truly want to stay sober you can’t go to these events in the beginning. It’s just an excuse if you give in.
I have to thank liz for these words. As someone who is in a similar cycle as Annie of starting and stopping, this response really resonated with me. I’m sure some of what you said Liz will make it onto my short list of comments that come into my head and support me when I really need motivation not to drink. Maybe not all addicts respond to the stick or tough love approach but my addictive personality has been saved by it at least once in the past – in response to an eating disorder. Nothing would help except the “you are going to lose everything, be in a hospital, and then die if you don’t stop this,” approach. I think the only problem with alcohol – for me – is that death seems less imminent. But Liz has made it seem just as likely a result. And that’s what I need, though I acknowledge that I am not everyone. I do think give credit where credit is due – objectively, it’s beneficial to one’s health to drink less even if one doesn’t give it up entirely. But one needs to give it up entirely to avoid adverse results then yeah, there’s only one way to do that. And it’s so so hard. And it seems impossible. I just appreciate what Liz has added to my arsenal against alcohol.
I totally agree with you, Liz, and I hope that Annie appreciates the tough love. I left a post a while back saying that she needs to get outside help and soon. I certainly pray she does. I almost lost my husband twice, but thankfully, he has now been in sober recovery for 1 and1/2 years.
Keep going Annie. Please recruit your husband to help you.
Oh…how I wish you’d find what you’re looking for….. freedom from the booze…..it’s there girl…..just in your reach.
I don’t know how I made it to Day 79 but I can tell you that I get up everyday and thank God for it. I truly believe that He took the burden of wanting to drink away from me. When I get a small craving, I think back to that on and off cycle that you’re stuck in. It sucked so much….cause the end result is always the same….shitty, guilty and fucked up.
I’m wasn’t one to go to AA or believe in meetings much but let me tell ya, they are truly amazing to me now. I’m almost addicted to them. In that one hour a day, I have something to look forward to. I have people to hug. I have people that believes in me. …and with my words…..I’m inspiring them. Make it your mission to get out of that place you’re in so that you can help someone else do the same. You can do it! If you can read “The Untethered Soul” by Micheal Singer, please do…. or google him on YouTube. I’m telling you, this man will help you see that you are not your mind. You are so much more than that! Once you find that inner connection with your soul and spirit, you will get what youI’re looking for.
I believe in you and I know you want this more than anything in the world! You are worth it!!
I will repost my daily prayer that helped me so much in the beginning on my blog! I will pray for you to find your recovery and peace with this effin disease!
I am going to get that book. That’s the third time I have seen the title recently. Must mean something!
However people choose to use their blogs does not give anyone else permission to drink. Only you make that choice to put alcohol in your system.
I stand by what I said Annie – you are doing great because you’re thinking and trying to get sober. Keep going, you will get there and it will be hard but we are here with you to support you.
Totally agree, and I think everyone here is truly coming from a place of wanting to support and help.