So many Day 2s. Here I am again. It is a kind of torture, putting myself through these early days. I read and believe comments from people who write about the sober wonders on the other side, but I just can’t see them because I never get that far. It’s utterly exhausting.
Yesterday, I watched a film called ‘Lipstick and Liquor’, the director of which had been on last Sunday’s episode of The Bubble Hour. I would recommend it. A documentary interviewing four amazing ladies who are now in recovery, it is sober viewing in all senses of the word. I found myself crying in places, and I try never to cry. I dig my nails into the palms of my hands to stop myself; I once read somewhere that that stops you crying. The stories of their descent into alcoholism and their climbing out were breathtaking.
I do feel lonely in my struggle. I am still hesitant about going to a meeting. I’m putting my sober tools in place – I’ve just ordered a mass of AF drinks – but I do feel weary, so so weary.