So many Day 2s. Here I am again. It is a kind of torture, putting myself through these early days.  I read and believe comments from people who write about the sober wonders on the other side, but I just can’t see them because I never get that far. It’s utterly exhausting.

Yesterday, I watched a film called ‘Lipstick and Liquor’, the director of which had been on last Sunday’s episode of The Bubble Hour. I would recommend it. A documentary interviewing four amazing ladies who are now in recovery, it is sober viewing in all senses of the word.  I found myself crying in places, and I try never to cry. I dig my nails into the palms of my hands to stop myself; I once read somewhere that that stops you crying. The stories of their descent into alcoholism and their climbing out were breathtaking.

I do feel lonely in my struggle. I am still hesitant about going to a meeting. I’m putting my sober tools in place – I’ve just ordered a mass of AF drinks – but I do feel weary, so so weary.

37 thoughts on “Day2day2day2…”

  1. I listened to that episode yesterday and have Lipstick and Liquor on my to-do list to view. It was a fascinating Bubble Hour episode. I look forward to seeing the documentary. You are almost done with Day 2! You can do this.

  2. I’m going to watch that today. That bubble hour was very powerful. I cried at the poem at the end as I do feel deep gratitude and relief that I have found a way out of that dark abyss.
    One day at a time Annie. Little steps take us to far away places!

  3. Dear Annie, been lurking around recently after a long absence. I admire your honesty and really feel for you. I am in a slightly better place now, but have felt as you do many times. I was reading an article recently which was questioning why more people do not look to the “medical” approach to stopping drinking. They mentioned specifically naltrexone. After all we no longer tell depressed people to “get over it” so why do we expect drinkers to “just stop”? I know there are a lot of bloggers who have been very successful “just stopping”, and they have been wonderfully supportive. However I am not sure how representative a sample they are as I think the less successful at giving up alcohol generally stop blogging. So blogging + will power might just not be enough for all people. And apparently there are various medical options to explore besides naltrexone. This is not an area I know too much about, but just offer it with love to someone who I hear crying at the moment. xx

  4. Celebrate where others are, but try not to fall into the comparison trap. You are where you are today. Nothing more, nothing less. Are you trying to do what you think others are doing? Have you explored a mini goal?

    1. Sometimes reading every article undermines our ability to be open minded.
      I could post many stories of success from AA. The 12 steps are used by many many other groups because they are a rational path to self awareness.
      Annie is still searching for a way. Being willing to consider all the options for support is key.
      Personally, I find going into a room with others telling their stories openly and honestly is the most powerful experience I the world. I leave a lot of the program aside. It is not all for me, but It’s hard to find that outside AA.

  5. Dearest Annie, I don’t know what I can add to the wonderful comments above – particularly RunningFromtheBooze’s, “You are where you are today. Nothing more, nothing less.” And today you’re sober Annie. And you’re not alone. Looking beyond today can be overwhelming and looking back exhausting – I know I’ve said this to you before but staying in the ‘sober for today’ mindset really helps. Love to you from the Sober Garden x.

  6. Go ahead and cry Annie! It helps. And from all the beautiful comments above you are NOT ALONE! Your struggles are making a lot of people stronger, it will return to you many times over. Stay with us no matter what!
    Mary. 💗💗💗

  7. I’m cheering for you 🙂 And I agree with A folland-go ahead and cry. Without the numbing of the alcohol, you’re going to feel shit, and you’re going to need to let it out. Crying can be so cleansing. And anyway, we’re women, we’re supposed to be emotional, no matter what our “keep your chin up”, “do it all” society says.

  8. Dear Anne,
    You have wonderful words here.
    I only stay sober one day.
    Crying is okay.
    Feelings are okay.

  9. Thank you for posting about Lipstick and Liquor. I just watched it and it was amazing on so many levels! It made me realize that even though I’ve been sober over 300 days, I too am always one day away from day one. I only have this day and on this day I’m sober! I wish you continued strength as you get many more sober days behind you! You really are fighting the good fight! Hang in and hang on!

  10. I stopped drinking on Feb 5th. It was the day my godfather passed away.(although I hadn’t known it at the time) I had already dumped a half bottle of vodka down the drain and decided I was done feeling like crap. (hungover, shaky) . . I had quit previously in December (after a drunken driving episode where some nice strangers called my family) After that my daughter made me agree to go to AA . .and I came back to show her the booklet to prove it . . . 2 weeks later I started drinking again; just never in front of my grown children. A trip to Florida, new boyfriend . . all bad for me . . got rid of him and decided to do this for me and I am doing ok . .I think . .however, my beautiful caring supportive 20 year old daughter insists that I am still not okay and need to seek help to continue . . (figure out how i got here in the first place by identifying “why” ?) we had a 2 hour emotional convo and I am questioning . . . do i need to know the “why”? . .I am seeking support for this sober journey . . . based on the wisdom of my 20 year old . . My alcoholism was pretty short but gradually happened over 3 years. The worst year was when I left my company (voluntary package retirement) and left my home and separated from my husband (there was nothing left to us and I had been planning my freedom for years) . .related to drinking? hmmm not sure . .but in the last year my alcohol consumption had led to behavior which caused the loss of friends and the respect of my family . . It was easy to hide my drinking for the most part but it always got the better of me. The problem is that it is so easy to get (so easy to reward-punish yourself and is sooo socially acceptable) . .i know that I need to get over it . . while i love wine! and so felt like I should be having a glass while cooking dinner (I did not)
    it is about changing those habits and recreating the new “shoulds” that only you or “I” can define for ourselves. . .thank you for sharing your story and your ups and downs . . . get to the bottom of why YOU don’t want to drink anymore . . if you haven’t already . . hope to continue to connect and share . . be strong!

    you CAN do this if YOU really want to!

    ((hugs)) Donna

  11. Annie, I feel what you’re going through. I’m just starting my journey and know how difficult it is to try and break this self-destructive habit. Hang on in there – we’ll get there eventually and share that wonderful sober world soon!

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