More treacle

Second post today. The dreaded 5.40pm and I’m wading through that treacle I mentioned this morning. I’ve already texted my husband suggesting wine (he avoided responding); I’ve debated going out to buy wine as we only have ancient vintages in the house which I think my husband is keeping until 2020; I don’t know what to do. Well, I know what I should do, but I don’t want to do it: I should do anything but drink, but I want to drink. In my past sober attempts, I don’t remember feeling this desperate.

The weekend beckons. I am obsessing about drinking, about sobriety, about the sober world. I feel as though I can’t get on with my life, that I can’t think of anything else. I don’t want to be this person, I don’t want to have to think about these things.

Aaaarrrrggggghh is the only way I can put it at the moment. Aaaaaarrrrrgghh (again).

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12 thoughts on “More treacle”

  1. Keep fighting it! The only way the cravings go away is with time. You are going through withdrawal and your body and mind don’t like it. You can do this if you really really want to. Fight, fight, fight! It is so worth it.

  2. You can’t move on without moving through. Unfortunately there is no out here. Once we know we have a problem it is virtually impossible to convince ourselves we don’t.

    Get in the bath. Cry. Whatever it takes. Don’t drink.

    Those insane early days of building anxiety are short but oh so hard.

    Love and hugs.

    Anne

  3. I just had the same craving an hour ago and I ate lots of carbohydrates like banana bread and granola bars and the craving has passed. You can do this, fight it back any way you can!

  4. I want to do Day 4 with you tomorrow. I want to hold onto St. Patrick’s Day as a memorable Day 1. I want to wake up tomorrow feeling proud and clear headed, not full of loathing and regrets. Put on your softest yoga pants and some calming music and breathe. Take care.

  5. Annie, you said you didn’t want to be this person, think about the person you will be if you continue to drink. It will only get worse! At day 195 I am free of thinking about drinking: do I have enough in the house, what excuse can I use to go get more, where will I hide the bottle, where will I hide the drink I’m having while fixing dinner, taking a small bottle in my purse when we go to friends homes because I don’t want them to know how much I drink, I could go on and on. I just knew I couldn’t go on like that. Yes, I have cravings but giving into them would send me into that hole and I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to crawl out. As Belle puts it I was “tired about thinking about drinking”. You’ll get there Annie!
    Mary. πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—

  6. Can you do something to distract you right now? Make a pot of tea, cook something, bake something, tidy a cupboard, phone a friend…? The craving will pass, it always does, and it will get easier and take up less of your time and energy.

  7. Annie, you can do this! Have you read ‘This Charming Man’ by Marian Keyes? The character Marnie is an alcoholic and towards the end, she gets in her car and finds herself outside a bottle store. She starts to cry saying ‘I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to drink.’ This really touched a nerve with me, the desperation of her conscious mind battling with her inner drinking voice. Keep calling out for help, keep using all of your tools, ring a sober friend, you can do this xxx

  8. Use my mantra! “I will not drink today, NO MATTER WHAT!” And repeat as often as necessary. Please don’t drink today. Move through it, hold on tight, it’s a rocky ride, but it gets better, I promise!! Sending love and strength!

  9. Many people have gone through this before you, and many have needed help to quit. There’s no shame in that. The only shame would be if you keep trying this on your own and you give up. Don’t give up. What would happen if you told your husband you need to go for help? Your husband probably already knows you need help but may be waiting for you to say the words.

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