My path is meandering at the moment. Thank you for all your comments and I am sorry I haven’t replied to them. I’m in such a muddle: one minute I think I just need to stop making such a fuss, get on with my life and stop obsessing about drinking/not drinking; the next minute I am determined to be sober, I start making plans, put on my bracelet, contact Belle and my other sober supports…and then I go back to that other way of thinking.
Doing the 100 day challenge – actually doing it – would help me get a sense of perspective at least, as I haven’t yet been able to get a good sense of how it feels not to be drinking for any length of time. Moderation is not an option, so if I decide to keep drinking, it is in the knowledge that I will drink too much, that I will feel regret, that I will not be looking after myself properly; but don’t people do this all the time, and not worry about it? Do I overthink everything, worry about everything?
I need to decide what to do; I can’t keep fluctuating like this. And while I think about it, I fear my blog will be rambling and rubbish. So if you don’t see me here, know that I am still wandering along the path, but that I’m a bit lost.