No more

Towards midnight last night, I was scrabbling around for last bits of wine, sherry, even a slurp of Baileys. Yuck. It was desperate. I was a crazy lady, searching for drink in the back of cupboards. I woke up this morning dead inside, knowing that I had had enough. No more.

It can’t happen after the holiday; it can’t happen tomorrow. I have to start today. I can feel the whole thing escalating, I feel out of control and I want to seize this opportunity and go with it, make the right choice. I texted my husband: ‘I really want to stop drinking. Please can you help me’. He replied: ‘Ok’.

I need to summon up all my strength.

I am going to do this.

20 thoughts on “No more”

  1. We think drinking is glamourous, don’t we ? Nothing glam about last night. Welcome to sobriety – I have yet to find the downside. EVERYTHING is possible in sobriety Annie. Concentrate on everything you WILL have in your life now that you have kicked the drink. Look through the Living Sober members feed every morning and see how happy and fulfilled people are now they are sober.

  2. Wonderful! You can do this. A friend of mine says a prayer every night. “please God take my desire to drink away”. I say it too every night. Even if you aren’t religious you could say it to your higher power, your spiritual energy. Whatever works for you. It has helped me so much. I no longer have the desire but am diligent in saying this mantra nightly. It can’t hurt, right? Try it.

  3. Big hug Annie. That was a very brave and smart step.
    If you get scared and want to back away, read this post.

    I know it seems like you are losing something, but you are on the verge of freedom and joy. Grab on!

  4. Awesome, awesome, awesome!!! Last night was the bottom you needed to hit to bring you out of this. I agree with those who have commented on the freedom in sobriety. Plan and simple you have NO choices to make, you don’t drink. It is hard but does get easier. A cheer goes out to hubby also. Glad he’s on board but remember do this for YOU, time to put yourself first. Can you hear us all cheering for you?!?!? Ly
    Mary. πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—

  5. Really pleased that you reached out to your husband Annie. You are stronger than you think – you can do this! We’re all rooting for you. There’s a better life out there for you, you just have to believe! xx

  6. Annie. – we are all behind you wishing you all the best as you journey through your new path with resolve. I can so relate to where you were last night – how you are feeling is making you stronger – you can do this – I agree with the other posts – deciding to stop drinking is such a release of the binds that confine and define you that the surge of power and freedom you will feel will be empowering – you are way more than alcohol – reaching out to your husband is such a big step – you are turning a corner and choosing a different path – you can look forward and live with authenticity, transparency truth and clarity of thought 24/7 – it is such an awesome feeling – OWN IT – you can do this – sending you hugs!

  7. You just took a huge step, asking for help. It’s like shining a bright spotlight on your addiction. It can’t hide out and fester in the dark anymore. If you could have done it on your own, you would have done it by now. You have taken the first step down the fork in the road that leads away from the desperate woman who was scouring the cupboards for whatever alcohol she could find. Keep taking one step after another, and don’t look back. You’ve asked for help. Now comes the part where you accept that help. I am pulling for you!

  8. Awesome! You are now ready! Hang on and try not to doubt yourself..everyone is here to support you. There is absolutely nothing beautiful about alcohol but there is a lot beautiful about you…just remember this!

  9. You’ve got it. That moment has happened and you’ve made your decision. AND you asked for help immediately!! So awesome, Annie!! Can you feel that weight lifted off your shoulders? I’m so happy for you πŸ™‚ xx

  10. Wow, Annie, you have a whole world of support here!
    Can you hang on to all of our hands and get strength?
    My wonderful hubby stopped drinking to support me.
    We keep no alcohol in the house.
    Our lives are so much better!
    Yours will be too!

  11. You so want to do this Annie and you can. I have been struggling as you are for decades and persistently trying to give up for over 15 years. Every day. Every week. It is such a relief that it is not something I even have to factor in now. And it gives me such relief. Whether it’s a party, a holiday, a camping trip, a celebration of any kind, I will not be drinking. I accept I that people may find me boring or that I may not get invited to things. If this is the case I will pay that price as the benefits are so much greater than the losses. I’m looking at accommodation for a wedding in July and I’m not concerned if it’s a bit of a drive, as I will be able to chauffeur us! I am so looking forward to the wedding which is something I couldn’t have imagined enjoying sober three months ago! Your health, sense of worth and peace of mind are more important than how this affects anyone else. Cancel things if necessary. Do anything to achieve this thing that you want so badly xx

  12. Annie, I’m sorry that last night and this morning was so bad for you but reading your blog I’m thinking this woman really, really wants to stop drinking. Annie, I believe you will find your moment and stop. Flossie x

  13. I’m in the same boat. I have tried to quit many times and tried moderate at other times and sometimes just threw up my hands and drank whatever the hell I wanted. I feel like such a failure due to my repeated, and I do mean repeated, attempts at sobriety. I emailed Belle just today and had her reset me to yet another Day 1. Like you, i go back and forth as to whether or not I really need to quit. The truth is, when i’m honest myself, the answer is crystal clear. I have to quit drinking. I simply have to. Whenever Im drinking, I have no ambition and feel like my goals are impossible. just making the decision to stop today has made me feel like I have a shot at achieving my goals and making some real positive changes in my life. You can do this, and I can do this. Dont give up. I’ll keep checking in on your blog to see how you’re doing and I’ll comment and let you know about me. they keep telling me I need more support so I figure a sober email buddy cant hurt, right!? take care. i’m sending good karma your way.

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