Different

So, post doctor’s visit, I am feeling a bit different, as though I am approaching sobriety with greater self-awareness. Only Day 2 so early early days; I’ve  been here so many times before, I don’t want to be complacent.

Thank you to everyone for your comments yesterday. Your support is humbling, particularly as I know I’ve fallen many times before.

Last night, I went to a dinner where champagne and wine were offered from the start. In the past, these sorts of events have often derailed me, but because this was on Day One and I was feeling sober new and squeaky clean, I didn’t cancel. It seemed obvious to have ginger beer instead, and to watch my friends drink copious amounts of wine. I felt not the slightest bit envious or deprived, but rather strong, guarding my sober secret.

I told my husband about the doctor. He was bemused. He thinks I’m overreacting. He mentioned that I always seem to be hooked on something, and that at the moment this was my attempts to be sober. I think he’s frightened that I won’t be able to be the fun-loving wife he loves, but will be some sort of zealot. I can’t worry about this at the moment: I know how easy it would be for me to give up giving up if he were to persuade me that I never had a problem to start with.

Slowly, carefully, kindly, I need to move forward.

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22 thoughts on “Different”

  1. We must be twins. And I have had that same thought myself. What if this is just one of my phases? I’ve scrap booked, quilted, exercised and on and on. I’m full out until I lose interest and never go back.

    My husband said the same thing. But slowly I got him to hear how the inner battle over booze was crushing me. How deeply I hurt, even if I made light of it in the past. How sad I was.

    He understands now. And he would be the first to stop me if I thought I could drink again.

    Your husband will understand eventually. Perhaps he doesn’t want to upset or scare you be agreeing this is a good idea. When he sees how much brighter you are sober he will change his mind.

    Start saying no. Just because you can handle watching others drink doesn’t mean it’s good for you.

    You are doing it! Go Annie. Enjoy today sober.

  2. I get hints from my husband that he misses the two of us drinking together. And he also used to tell me at the beginning that I don’t need to quit altogether, I just need to learn how to enjoy the odd glass – its not a race to finish the bottle, etc etc. I think he’s finally starting get the picture that if moderation was the way to go I would have been doing that all along!

    But just like you said, I decided not to worry about his reaction to my quitting – it’s my choice, not his. And this is your choice, no-one elses.

    Great news that you have the support of your doctor! x

  3. i’m on day 1 again after 3 1/2 weeks sober. i thought i could moderate. i couldn’t and ended up finding myself in a dangerous position again. this is hard, annie, and it makes it a little easier knowing there are others who are out there struggling too. best wishes to you.

  4. Totally agree with “wake up”. Yes you’d like your husband’s support but this is your journey and you do it your way. You are not overreacting!!!! Back in Sept. I didn’t even tell my husband. I knew his reaction would be to stop drinking too, which is very supportive, but he would own it and turn it into a victory for him. He did that with my weight loss journey, 55 lbs. I needed my sober journey to be MY journey. I’m sure by now he’s noticed I haven’t been drinking but he thinks it’s to help me maintain my weight loss. Long story short, you do this for YOU!
    Mary 💕💕

  5. Hi Annie
    well done. hubby doesnt fully understand as he is not an addict, give him time, and you. perhaps you could be slightly more honest with him??
    like Annes comment about “just because you can watch your friends drinking doesnt mean it is good for you!”
    hugs
    Lisa

  6. Well done on day 2 Annie. You can do this. Your husband will understand in time. Mine’s a bit the same. He knows I drink too much at times but thinks I should just cut down. Why is it so easy for them?! Stay strong. A x

    1. I’ll try and stay strong. Glad you’re here with me. By the way, I just tried to comment on your blog, but for some reason my computer blocked it. But I wanted you to know that I’d read it, and that I think our paths are similar. Annie x

  7. You are really progressing! Have faith in yourself..as others have commented, your husband isn’t ready to believe you won’t be able to drink with him anymore…this is his stuff..not yours..my hubby thinks I could have the occassional drink but he’s not in my body…so I just ignore it!

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