So, post doctor’s visit, I am feeling a bit different, as though I am approaching sobriety with greater self-awareness. Only Day 2 so early early days; I’ve been here so many times before, I don’t want to be complacent.
Thank you to everyone for your comments yesterday. Your support is humbling, particularly as I know I’ve fallen many times before.
Last night, I went to a dinner where champagne and wine were offered from the start. In the past, these sorts of events have often derailed me, but because this was on Day One and I was feeling sober new and squeaky clean, I didn’t cancel. It seemed obvious to have ginger beer instead, and to watch my friends drink copious amounts of wine. I felt not the slightest bit envious or deprived, but rather strong, guarding my sober secret.
I told my husband about the doctor. He was bemused. He thinks I’m overreacting. He mentioned that I always seem to be hooked on something, and that at the moment this was my attempts to be sober. I think he’s frightened that I won’t be able to be the fun-loving wife he loves, but will be some sort of zealot. I can’t worry about this at the moment: I know how easy it would be for me to give up giving up if he were to persuade me that I never had a problem to start with.
Slowly, carefully, kindly, I need to move forward.