I’ve been going through so many endless cycles of stop/start, recently only managing one or two days sober before drinking again, that I wanted to update you as to how I am doing today. Because I need to think about today, and get to the end of today sober. And I will.
It’s 6.30pm here so I’m bang smash in the middle of the witching hour. I’m crawling with anxiety. I had intended to go and do something calm like play the piano, but instead I’ve been flipping through the Internet, looking at ridiculous fashion which I will never wear. I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s stupid and awful.
When I’ve written this post, I am going to stand up and chop vegetables for a stir fry. When my husband comes in from work, I’ll cook it and chat to him, sipping fizzy water, because if I try and make a mocktail I’m going to start crying. Husband is then going out to his orchestra rehearsal, and the girls will go to bed (my son is away on a school trip; he is the one who wants me to stop drinking the most), and I am going to watch a film, a DVD which I bought earlier today.
It’s a plan. I need to manoeuvre my way through the next few hours, and I feel like screaming, and drinking an entire bottle of gin.