I’ve been going through so many endless cycles of stop/start, recently only managing one or two days sober before drinking again, that I wanted to update you as to how I am doing today. Because I need to think about today, and get to the end of today sober. And I will.
It’s 6.30pm here so I’m bang smash in the middle of the witching hour. I’m crawling with anxiety. I had intended to go and do something calm like play the piano, but instead I’ve been flipping through the Internet, looking at ridiculous fashion which I will never wear. I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s stupid and awful.
When I’ve written this post, I am going to stand up and chop vegetables for a stir fry. When my husband comes in from work, I’ll cook it and chat to him, sipping fizzy water, because if I try and make a mocktail I’m going to start crying. Husband is then going out to his orchestra rehearsal, and the girls will go to bed (my son is away on a school trip; he is the one who wants me to stop drinking the most), and I am going to watch a film, a DVD which I bought earlier today.
It’s a plan. I need to manoeuvre my way through the next few hours, and I feel like screaming, and drinking an entire bottle of gin.
A Dappled Path 
Breathe. These feelings will pass. You’re ok. Early night. Hugs xxx
Thank you, Bea. I am so grateful for your support. Annie x
Hi Annie You have a plan – great. And it sounds like a lovely peaceful evening – just what you need and what most people crave mid week. You are so used to drinking that you think it’s not normal to have a booze free evening mid week. But it is. You are having a totally normal family evening. Enjoy it. There are so many people in the world who would love to have a peaceful evening in a warm and safe home, with food and calm. Xxx
You’re so right. Your comment about how other people would like to have a calm, peaceful evening like me has really made me think. I need to be more grateful for what I’ve got. Annie x
Hang in there Annie x
Thanks. I did hang in there! Annie x
Scream into a pillow, have a good cry, browse the Internet for hours, and post as many times as you need to! All those things are fine. You don’t have to be happy or calm as long as you don’t drink! It’ll be okay. It really will. Hugs.
Thanks for being here. Annie x
Hang in there Annie. You can do it. Maybe you should try something different, like knitting?! When I was giving up smoking I would knit long, narrow rectangles and make them into coat hanger covers (they are great for delicate tops) it gave me something to do with my hands and concentrating on the stitches took my mind off smoking. Worth a try anyway! Good luck. A x
Knitting. Now there’s an idea! I don’t think I’ve knitted since I was a little girl. Annie x
It’s all about choices. Make ’em one at a time. You are beginning a new lifestyle right? Change your routine, go to bed early, take a walk, start a new hobby, anything to keep the old habits away. Avoid triggers. It will get better. Choices.
Thanks for this advice. It is all very helpful. Annie x
I struggled a lot in those early days. The anxiety. The lack of attention span.
I spent a lot of time in the bath.
Hugs
I must admit, baths have gone by the wayside recently. Annie x
You can make it through!!!