Day 2. I really struggled last night, and am so grateful to the people who commented – I kept checking back into my blog, and found their words so encouraging. They kept me going. I cleared up the supper, read to the children, then watched the film armed with tea. It sounds simple, doesn’t it, but those alcohol cravings are a kind of madness. The intensity of it terrifies me; the weedling, coaxing voice urging me to give up the fight, with all its nonsense (it’s not worth giving up, you’ll only drink again eventually, you put too much pressure on yourself, why can’t you enjoy life and stop worrying, you can’t be perfect anyway a little drinking problem won’t hurt…all that sort of thing).
But only Day 2, and it feels pretty overwhelming. I can’t do it alone – I know I’ll cave if I’m left to my own devices – so this afternoon I’m going back to a meeting. I haven’t been for a while, and it’s scary, but last time I found it helpful to hear other people’s stories and I felt less alone.
Reaching out. It’s crucial for me at the moment.