Today I read the comments people have been leaving on my blog. I am so glad I haven’t shut the blog down; thank you for reading, and for your kind words giving support and wondering where I am.
I am not there yet. Actually, I am pretty much nowhere at the moment. I can’t get a grip on sobriety. I have been on holiday with my family, and I drank every day; and much of it was mindless drinking, stupid drinking, drinking for the sake of drinking. I feel so far from my past sober days, I look back and can’t see them. My blogging past, my determination and motivation are distant spots, far far away, in a time when I wanted to get better.
And yet it is not hopeless. I still come back to my blog, I still tap into other blogs, keen to know how other people are doing in their sober quests, and they remind me that all is not lost, and that if I choose to, I can try to get well again.
How shall I do it? 100 days? 2 days? It is a long time since I had even one day off drinking. My clinging to alcohol’s illusory vision of happiness is holding me back.