Things have been spinning out of control here. I’ve been drinking every day: only in the evenings, but I reckon I have been drunk every time I’ve gone to bed, and I can’t remember the last time I had an alcohol free day. I don’t want to live like this, so I am trying again to be sober.
My husband is on side. Yesterday, I sent the usual email to him suggesting I give up drinking, waiting eagerly for his reply reassuring me that I was fine and could control it; just cut down in the week, drink less at parties, start with a soft drink. Today, I told him that once I have one drink, I want to drink ten drinks, so the idea of controlling it is impossible for me. I think he understands, and he will support me. He wants to cut down too.
So here I am again. I feel tired, but positive. I am cutting out alcohol completely. No one glass here or there, no celebratory glass if I manage a few days sober; no alcohol at all.
Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. My parents have just come round with a bottle of champagne for us, the same kind that we had at our wedding 18 years ago. It is a kind thought, but I’ve put the champagne away, out of sight.
Tonight I am going to a barbecue. I am driving, and will drive back. I know what to do. I feel scared, a bit apprehensive, and I guess a bit weary of myself, but inside me is the desire to stop drinking, and to live a better life.
A Dappled Path 
I know exactly how you feel Annie. One drink is no good to me. Even one bottle is often not enough. I always have another on standby. Day 4 for me. Yesterday was tough. Sunny and perfect for prosseco in the garden but I had ice cream instead. Good luck and I’m right here with you xx
I’m on Day 4 as well and it’s getting easier every day! I made the decision that this time, I will do everything in my power to remain sober. Food REALLY helps!… Don’t give up Annie, it’s pure freedom and happiness on the other side, so worth it !
Thanks, Diane. I too need to be fully behind my decision, as in the past I have wavered too much. Annie x
Somuchtogainfromthis, I am right behind you. Annie x
Don’t give up Annie ! What you are going through right now is the cusp of tipping into a whole new chapter of your life of transparency and freedom and being authentic and living honestly! Listen to the Bubble hour on podcast – lots of great wisdom – I have been wher you are now – so much turmoil and sheer pure agony – wrestling with alcohol daily is like waking up and going into an emotional and physical battle every day – all day – you are so so near conquering this – just a little more and you will feel sheer pure joy and oh the relief of living sober is utterly awesome !! I am just over 2 years sober at 59 and was so like you just before I stopped drinking
You go girl – you are running the race and you are nearly there…
2 years sober, Jose – that’s amazing, and so inspiring. Thanks for your kind words. I hope I can make it this time. Annie x
That sounds like you have going on. I don’t want to make suggestions or offer advice, but I hope that you make a plan for yourself for each and every situation.
A plan for each situation is exactly what I need to do. Thanks for commenting. Annie x
Sending you love Annie. You deserve peace. Joy. Freedom.
It’s waiting for you to stop drowning it’s
Keep writing. We will support you.
Anne
Thank you so much, Anne, as always. Annie x
I’m so glad you are posting and still fighting. I’m with you and am trying to get one day under my belt too. I KNOW it is a better life and that drinking is driving with the handbrake on. I know that my creativity is stifled by it. And you know too and that’s why you are getting back in the ring. Thank you for that. It helps me. x
I like your phrase ‘drinking is driving with the handbrake on’. Let’s try and do this together. Annie x
Hi Annie
keep going sweetie, it will happen for you when you want it sooooooooooooo bad, and you are sooooooooooooooooo tired and all that…….
hugs
Lisa
Lisa! So nice to hear from you. Yes, I hope it will happen for me this time. Annie x
Great! Be kind to yourself and put your sobriety first… Whatever it takes (my choices are fizzy waters and M&Ms). You can do it!
Thanks for your support. Annie x (and for the M&M advice)
Ha! Just ate a handful myself. *smile* Hope you’re doing well.*
We are with you Annie and have all been where you are right now..sounds like you are “tired of thinking about drinking” to quote Belle and probably sick of drinking too…Imagine a day not where thinking about what and when you are going to drink and imagine the freedom it will bring! You can do it gal and we are all right here to help you!
Thanks for being here, Pamela. Your words really help me. Annie x