Things have been spinning out of control here. I’ve been drinking every day: only in the evenings, but I reckon I have been drunk every time I’ve gone to bed, and I can’t remember the last time I had an alcohol free day. I don’t want to live like this, so I am trying again to be sober.
My husband is on side. Yesterday, I sent the usual email to him suggesting I give up drinking, waiting eagerly for his reply reassuring me that I was fine and could control it; just cut down in the week, drink less at parties, start with a soft drink. Today, I told him that once I have one drink, I want to drink ten drinks, so the idea of controlling it is impossible for me. I think he understands, and he will support me. He wants to cut down too.
So here I am again. I feel tired, but positive. I am cutting out alcohol completely. No one glass here or there, no celebratory glass if I manage a few days sober; no alcohol at all.
Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. My parents have just come round with a bottle of champagne for us, the same kind that we had at our wedding 18 years ago. It is a kind thought, but I’ve put the champagne away, out of sight.
Tonight I am going to a barbecue. I am driving, and will drive back. I know what to do. I feel scared, a bit apprehensive, and I guess a bit weary of myself, but inside me is the desire to stop drinking, and to live a better life.