I am so stupid to keep being back in these early days. They are so hard. If only I had pushed through the cravings all those times before. Almost a year ago, I started writing this blog, and here I am, no further forward. I was listening to a Bubble Hour podcast this afternoon in which a guest speaker described her many attempts to get sober, before she eventually succeeded. ‘When you’re not ready, you’re not ready,’ she said, and this rang true for me. I have never felt ready; or perhaps this is just another excuse on my part.
Anyway, suffice to say Day 3 is miserable and hard, and I feel totally useless. In a bid to quash the witching hour craving, I am drinking a Becks Blue alcohol free beer. It’s a bit close to the real thing, I fear, but it is alcohol free and that is good.
This has to work. I don’t know how many more times I can restart; each time I try, I feel a little more weary and cynical about it. I think I may be in the black pit part of the programme, before I start feeling any of the benefits of not drinking. And I feel grumpy, and not serene. I was planning to have one of my nice baths which I know works so well at this stage, but a rebellious part of me is saying I’m feeling too dreary to do that. Hopefully, my spirits will pick up tomorrow.