Thank you to everyone for their comments. I am going to reply to them all, but wanted to write a brief post first. Wow, I was feeling so sorry for myself last night. Today, I am more determined than ever. But I was particularly struck by cb’s comment: and I do wonder if my trying to write here every day is too much pressure somehow. Certainly my longest stretch of sobriety – 61 days – was done before I began writing a blog.

I am going to continue to write, but not every day. Today is Day One – again – and I am away this weekend without my iPad (phone too titchy to write on) but I am still here and will still chronicle my journey, as writing helps me process how I’m feeling.

14 thoughts on “Determined”

  1. Hello Annie
    I have reading your blog for awhile now. Actually it is the only one I am reading these days. I find it real and it gives me strength with my struggle with alcohol. I have not stopped drinking but there is a change within me. I don’t drink anywhere nearly as much and I do not get drunk which for me is very important. Annie your blog has helped me and I just wanted to thank you. You are very brave. Your road is difficult but you will arrive at your destination please don’t give up.

  2. Hmmm…I agree that writing a blog every day can be demanding, but do take the time to jot down a daily thought somewhere, it can be invaluable when you look back to see if you’re getting anywhere or when you need to remember what these early days feel like.

    I’d make a suggestion to commit to blogging at least 3 days a week. Accountability was the most powerful tool in my chest when I was recovering, telling someone besides myself that I was going to do something, held me to it firmer. It was the difference between putting up a sticky note with doggy adhesive to remind myself of what I needed to do and using Super Glue so I made sure it didn’t fall off and slip beneath the fridge with all my other notes to self.

    I’m glad you’re feeling better.

  3. Annie…I write my blog first for myself for accountability and because writing helps me sort my ideas and emotions…and then I allow it to be public because I believe in the power of community, I hope that as I connect with others it will help them and me too.
    I don’t care how much you do or don’t blog….I’m here if you need me and I just hope that you find a way,any way, to beat this demon and find peace and freedom. Just don’t give up.

  4. Hi. I am reading your blog for the first time. It sounds strange, but i am so relieved to find someone in such a similar situation to me. Thank you for your honesty. It is also my ‘day 1’. Good luck. I hope your next entry has good new.

  5. I love your blog! I’m thrilled that there are so many people brave enough to put their struggles in writing, because it helps so much. I am not as brave, but I have spent hours pouring over everyone’s lives to help find my own path through this crazy struggle and yours is the one I turn to the most because you are so real and you never give up no matter how many times it takes. You never let the reader down, we only let ourselves down. I will be routing for you and worried about you no matter your decision to blog or not. Just do what’s best for you. I’ll keep checking in!! (Day three here, but worried about the weekend)

  6. Hey Annie –
    In a comment on yesterday’s post, Lisa brought up the idea of inpatient treatment. You responded by saying that you couldn’t leave your family,

    What would happen if you sat down first with your husband and then with your oldest, shared your struggles with them, and asked them if they would be able to manage without you for six weeks while you got help?

    I imagine the answer would be a resounding YES, and they’d support you 100%! I’ll bed they’d rather have a mom go away for six weeks and come back fully present, instead of a mom who is physically there but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually up inside a wine bottle.

    I can hear you saying that you don’t want to bring your son into it, but you’ve made it clear that he knows already, and he’s at an age where he could assume some responsibilities around the house while you’re gone.

    I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds here; I’m just one of many people all around the world who want the best for you.

    1. Hi SC. You’re not overstepping the boundaries, and thank you for caring. I spoke to my husband this morning. For the moment, I’m going to try and fix this without inpatient treatment, but it’s something we would consider if I can’t manage. I’m not blocking out any options. Annie x

  7. Annie…thinking of you and wishing you the best…blog when you feel like it…take good care of yourself..which means don’t drink!

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