My sister-in-law came to stay last night. She brought me a bottle of wine, even though she knew I hadn’t been drinking at the weekend when I was staying with her. Ambush! But I made her a tonic/lime/grenadine mocktail – it’s one of my favourites – and we chatted about how she was able to drink once or twice a week, a glass on each occasion, while I wasn’t ever able to drink so little: none at all was my only option.
But I didn’t tell her truthfully what I was doing – I don’t quite trust her – and I made it sound as though I was on some sort of health cleanse. Still, I got through the evening, sobriety intact.
I am sleeping so fitfully. I’ve given up drinking many times, but this is the worst I’ve ever felt, the most troubled and fidgety. I got up in the night feeling dizzy and ill. By this morning, I felt a bit better, but on a train to London with my son, I suddenly felt light-headed, ill again. I’d had a coffee en route, and I think I should have had a bun or something.
Now it’s mid afternoon, I’ve just been scratchy with my kids, and rather than walk the dog I want to curl up in a ball and cry silently.
While feeling rough is horrible, it is salutary, because I am realising quite how serious my drinking had become. Indeed, the stopping/starting routine has probably been extremely bad for me. But I’m here now, on the right track to recovery I hope.
A Dappled Path 
The good news – you’re on day 4!!!!!!!
Mary 💕💕
Xxx
It’s hard work but you can do this. If it were easy we’d all be sober on the first go. I wish you the best.
Thank you, Kim. Annie x
The stop start is better for you than continuous drinking.
At some point you need to realize that others know. No one hides it well. Family just chooses to look the other way, hoping you will get yourself together, or are happy to have someone to drink with.
It’s sad, but true.
I’m sure you’re right about the family looking the other way, hopeful that I’ll resolve it myself. Annie x
Woohoo Annie!!
I’m not an expert or anything but your symptoms sound like a withdrawal, it could be from alcohol but it sounds like your blood sugars are fluctuating? Keep the coffee to a minimum, as the caffeine can spike insulin and eat raw almonds to stabilise your blood sugars. And drink lots of water!!
I’m taking magnesium supplements to help me sleep. It’s good for nervous tension too.
Stick with it, Annie! Day 4 is freaking fabulous!!