Friday anxiety

I’m sitting in a little cafe, waiting to go to a meeting. My brain has been going haywire this morning. Holiday tomorrow and all the sober challenges that brings, so I wanted to store up some energy. As I drove to the meeting, I did the should I go shouldn’t I go routine, which is so tiresome and mentally draining. But I never know quite what’s going to happen, and being around other people struggling with alcohol can only help, I think.

At a committee meeting thing I had to go to last night, I was handed a glass of wine. I handed it back and asked for something soft. The kind man whose house it was seemed flustered by this request, finding some ancient cordial and filling half a glass with it + water. Sort of like a liquid ice lolly. It amazes me how unprepared people are for non-drinkers, and it made me feel momentarily odd and left out before I drank it (yuck) and felt grateful.

Back at home, we celebrated my daughter’s exam results with AF sparkling stuff. My daughter wanted a ‘grown-up’ glass of something, even though I offered her a soft drink first. She is 16 and has started to show an interest in alcohol – not surprising after watching me quaff it all these years. Somuchtogainfromthis makes a good point today on her blog: that it’s no wonder the young gravitate towards alcohol when they see adults spend all their spare time drinking it and apparently having fun. And I fear I seem rather a fraud with my dire warnings of how drink can get a grip on you. My littlest daughter said last night, ‘You’re always trying to give up alcohol, and you always go back to it.’  So not much faith there at the moment, and I don’t blame her.

So, Day 7. It’s a long time since I’ve managed 7 sober days in a row. I am building on these small steps, trying not to look more than a few hours ahead, keen to show my family that I mean business.