Friday anxiety

I’m sitting in a little cafe, waiting to go to a meeting. My brain has been going haywire this morning. Holiday tomorrow and all the sober challenges that brings, so I wanted to store up some energy. As I drove to the meeting, I did the should I go shouldn’t I go routine, which is so tiresome and mentally draining. But I never know quite what’s going to happen, and being around other people struggling with alcohol can only help, I think.

At a committee meeting thing I had to go to last night, I was handed a glass of wine. I handed it back and asked for something soft. The kind man whose house it was seemed flustered by this request, finding some ancient cordial and filling half a glass with it + water. Sort of like a liquid ice lolly. It amazes me how unprepared people are for non-drinkers, and it made me feel momentarily odd and left out before I drank it (yuck) and felt grateful.

Back at home, we celebrated my daughter’s exam results with AF sparkling stuff. My daughter wanted a ‘grown-up’ glass of something, even though I offered her a soft drink first. She is 16 and has started to show an interest in alcohol – not surprising after watching me quaff it all these years. Somuchtogainfromthis makes a good point today on her blog: that it’s no wonder the young gravitate towards alcohol when they see adults spend all their spare time drinking it and apparently having fun. And I fear I seem rather a fraud with my dire warnings of how drink can get a grip on you. My littlest daughter said last night, ‘You’re always trying to give up alcohol, and you always go back to it.’  So not much faith there at the moment, and I don’t blame her.

So, Day 7. It’s a long time since I’ve managed 7 sober days in a row. I am building on these small steps, trying not to look more than a few hours ahead, keen to show my family that I mean business.

10 thoughts on “Friday anxiety”

  1. We all have to walk our own path. Both my parents were alcoholics, but somehow I thought drinking would be different for me. I was different from them. I could handle it. Well, turns out I couldn’t, but no one could have told me that 5 years ago, or even 18 months ago. I thought I was managing just fine, and who doesn’t need some wine to deal with life? I was doing fine right up until the point where I was no longer doing fine. Funny isn’t it. You’re doing great at 7 days, keep going! You will get to the other side, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

  2. Hi Annie, I’ve been reading your blog for ages now and I so recognise everything you are struggling with. I have started going to meetings now (after putting them off for 3 years). This is my fifth day sober and it will be my fourth meeting tonight. I must say the meetings have been enormous help. People are so kind and welcoming and they totally get it. I would persevere with the meetings if I were you. I am also reading a fantastic book called Why t=you drink and how to stop

    It explains that there are important reasons why we try to lose ourselves in drink and we have to deal with those things and get our sense of spirit and wholeness back or it will be impossible to kick that demon out the door once and for all. Its only a few pounds on kindle and is quite possibly a life changing book – for me anyway.

    Good luck, never give up giving up and know that there are many, many people routing for you x

  3. hi annie, i just found your blog a couple days ago. i just wanted to say hi. i’m having an anxiety ridden friday also, although for different reasons. so…hang in there, we will get through it and hopefully tomorrow will be an easier day(: i hope your meeting goes well.
    take care,

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