Hiking all day today, I found myself wrestling with my demons. The nagging voice was worse than yesterday. By the end of the walk, I felt completely exhausted and was determined to break my sobriety. I’d had enough. I told my Mum I’d like a glass of wine with dinner. Someone was looking out for me, however. Before dinner, we had tonic water and lime (no one had any alcohol at that point), and when we sat down to dinner, and the red wine was put in front of me, I simply couldn’t drink it. I started to eat, the glass like a giant beast in my sights. And then I pushed the glass over to my husband, apologised for having messed everyone around, and came rushing into my room to write this.
I was SO close to drinking. But I didn’t. Day 12 and it all feels a bit fragile, but I feel some kind of strength – I can’t quite put my finger on it.