Through the mill

I often read blog posts where people bemoan Day 3; and it is true that the Day 3 feeling is a tricky one. You’re feeling better from not having drunk any alcohol for a few days, and the scratchy voice starts picking at your resolve. I am so glad that I have the addiction counselling session in place, as it makes the whole sober thing seem much more real than before.

That said, I still find the day to day stuff quite difficult to manage, even after a year of stop/starts, or perhaps particularly because of that pattern. Tomorrow evening I am going to be here with my two daughters, while my husband and son are out. Old Annie would stock up on miniature bottles of fizz or wine – small bottles made me feel I had some sort of control, though I ended up drinking loads of them – and proceed to guzzle them as I wanted to, without my husband realising. New(ish) Annie needs a concrete plan of action to get through tomorrow evening, and I’ve already decided on an almost timetabled series of tasks. I’m going to a meeting earlier that day as well.

So, as the familiar feeling that I am overreacting starts to nudge at my sober intent, I am forcing myself to remember in detail the last time I drank. Three days ago, on a supposedly dry night (that my husband and I had agreed on), I opened a bottle of wine, hid a glass in a cupboard, and drank the wine through part of the evening. When that became difficult – and for the first time ever – I poured some into a small mug and took it upstairs with me to read to the children, disguising it as camomile tea.

Writing that down is important for me.

15 thoughts on “Through the mill”

  1. Preparation is key.
    And they know. Unless your kids are very small, they know you are drinking, even if you are hiding it.

    As a sober person it is so obvious when someone has had a few drinks. I used to think I was fooling people. If I was, they wanted to be fooled.

    Keep posting

  2. Definitely work on your plan…get some sober treats such as ice cream etc and/or something you can share with your kids..you seem to have a different plan this time so go for it but as Anne says above prep is key and you aren’t hiding anything from your kids…good luck!

  3. Next time you tell yourself that you are overreacting, remember that people who don’t have drinking problems, don’t write blogs about drinking. They write about other things.
    Set yourself up for success. Remove the alcohol, take the girls out for the evening, whatever it takes.
    You can do this.

    And aininsobriety is right, you’re not fooling anyone. I tell my DH, who still drinks, I know the minute he unscrews the cap, even if he’s miles away.

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