My children go to school on Saturday (I know…), so I was up early to sort them out, make breakfast and to be cheerful. Thank goodness I didn’t succumb to the strong urge to drink last night. One of the sober friends I texted suggested I ‘surf the urge’, a phrase which is probably well known in sober world, but which I hadn’t heard before. So that’s what I tried to do: I sat and surfed. This involved texting various people I’d met online and in real life at meetings, writing on my blog, emailing some people, and drinking a lot of fizzy water. The feeling passed, and I was so glad.
I am trying to remember what the urge felt like, to examine it a bit so that I am ready for it when it happens again. It is hard to describe. It was like a kind of madness, an inability to sit still, a turning around in my head of all the various scenarios. This was accompanied by a crazed putting of bottles in the fridge and then removing them, as well as emails to the counsellor cancelling and then rebooking my appointment.
This time last year, I hadn’t considered going to meetings; now I try and go a few times a week. I am moving forward, I am getting there.