I usually love Fridays. That Friday feeling…well, at the moment, I’m finding it hard. It’s so engrained in me to wind down, relax, celebrate the approaching weekend, with a drink in hand. This is especially the case when my husband and I try to stick to the no drinking in the week rule, so usually when Friday comes round, the temptation is to drink more than ever – another reason why not drinking in the week never works for me.
I’m on Day 12, and today feels difficult. I have continued to cancel and rebook my counselling appointment – it’s supposed to be on Monday, and at the moment the appointment IS in place. I am hopeful that the counsellor is used to people changing their mind about coming, and won’t think I’m mad. I went to a meeting earlier this afternoon. I didn’t want to go, and when I got stuck in traffic en route, I nearly turned round to drive home. I thought of 25 different reasons why I shouldn’t go/didn’t need to go, but I knew they were all rubbish, so I carried on, and I was bang on time.
I haven’t been to many meetings so far, partly because afterwards I often feel triggered – I think because I don’t like the idea of being in the same situation (different stories apart) as the people I meet there. But today, I came home afterwards, and knew that I didn’t want to relapse into the same tired wheel of drinking because it’s Friday, followed by a sluggish Saturday and a Sunday wishing I hadn’t succumbed and all that resolution stuff.
It is not easy. People say I need to put one step in front of the other, and I think that’s very helpful advice. One step in front of the other, one step in front of the other, hour by hour.