If you have read this blog for a while, you will know that I have found it difficult to to go and see the counsellor. I cancelled and rebooked him about 50 times. Yesterday, I went to see him! This feels like a major breakthrough for me, and I think it’s going to be helpful.
16 days in. Swathes of the day seem to be taken up with internal monologues about drinking, but I’m trying to push through those, and get to a calmer, more accepting place. The tonic versus gin debate continues – and I still have to be hyper-aware of triggers, and plan carefully alcohol-free alternatives at 6pm. You’d think I’d be used to this by now, but I still feel a total novice.
Someone once said to me that my sobriety attempts felt like a hobby, rather than something I was taking seriously. There was a lot of truth in that. Today, I think the seriousness of it is uppermost in my mind. This isn’t a health kick, a breaking of bad habits: it’s a reinvention of my life, a complete rethink.