If you have read this blog for a while, you will know that I have found it difficult to to go and see the counsellor. I cancelled and rebooked him about 50 times. Yesterday, I went to see him! This feels like a major breakthrough for me, and I think it’s going to be helpful.
16 days in. Swathes of the day seem to be taken up with internal monologues about drinking, but I’m trying to push through those, and get to a calmer, more accepting place. The tonic versus gin debate continues – and I still have to be hyper-aware of triggers, and plan carefully alcohol-free alternatives at 6pm. You’d think I’d be used to this by now, but I still feel a total novice.
Someone once said to me that my sobriety attempts felt like a hobby, rather than something I was taking seriously. There was a lot of truth in that. Today, I think the seriousness of it is uppermost in my mind. This isn’t a health kick, a breaking of bad habits: it’s a reinvention of my life, a complete rethink.
A Dappled Path 
Nice work and congrats on day 16!
So, so proud of you Annie!!!
Mary 💗💕
Yay! Proud of you!
Kary
Exactly. A life rethink. I like that.
Hope the counselor is helpful — a powerful tool and a powerful statement of your new commitment to sobriety that you finally went.
It’s a reclaiming of your life. And it is worth it.
Stop the debate. Tonic is the only answer.
Keep going!
Anne
This makes me so happy for you! Hoo-rah to counselors! Hoo-rah to 16! Hoo-rah to you!
p.s. Thought you might enjoy this read today – https://wordpress.com/read/post/feed/20089489/812727845
Very happy to hear you’ve got 16 pennies in the jar! These are the toughest ones by far and even though they’re still only worth 1 day each, you should be extra proud of them. I always think of that jar with the pennies whenever I think about a drink… I don’t want to (mentally) dump out all my 382 pennies and start over! The thought of that empty jar again refocuses my thoughts and helps me move forward.
Love, love the penny jar visual!!! I’m at 383 think I could start with it now? 😄
Mary 💗💕
I don’t keep an actual physical penny jar, it’s just a mental construct I use. I’m a very visual person, and imagining the pennies, dropped in one at a time really resonates with me. It’s an easily accessible mental image that helps me remember what it took to get here. Anytime I have one of those “f#!$ it” thoughts, I think of the pennies and how hard many of them were to earn. But having an actual penny jar does seem like a really cool idea!