I’m not doing very well; I keep putting everything on hold. We’re going away for a few days on a much anticipated holiday, and it is one in which I have enjoyed drinking in the past. But something needs to change. The past few days have been crazy, drinking worse than ever…a sort of drink til you sink mentality in preparation for abstemious practice when I get back. It’s clearly not a good method, and I’ve been awful: drinking more than my husband, and getting ratty and tired every evening, starting ridiculous arguments.
When I get back, the plan is that I go to 90 meetings in 90 days. It sounds intense, but I’ve tried a lot of things to stop drinking and nothing is working, so I’m going to try that. Good intentions, will power – these things are not enough.
It’s getting worse. I’m getting worse. My plans to succeed falter more quickly, and the problems are escalating. I feel sad. I was so much more buoyant last year when I was writing, and now I’m dragging myself down.